Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Introductions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=9)
-   -   It's been two years since I've been on here. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=33211)

fauxsisticated 11-19-2012 10:03 PM

It's been two years since I've been on here.
I've been doing a lot of soul searching since then. I've realized that nearly every relationship I've ever had has been non-monogamous, some under what I would call successful and consensual conditions, and others not so much, yet it always feels new each time. I've realized so much about my gender and what needed to come forward within myself -- I realized how much of me was growing tired of pretending. I took a long break from polyamory to decide what I wanted and needed for my life, and now I find myself embarking once again into what feels like uncharted territory.

But I know I've been here before. I can share experiences I've had with others. The stories sound familiar; the feelings, the complications, the struggle, the closeness... All of it.

I know so much more about myself and humanity than I have in the past. I can better articulate who I am and what I need. I have learned what absolutely does not work and does not fit, and I have a clearer idea of what I want to strive for.

I still find myself having questions. In a society that is still largely ignorant to non-monogamy, there is a missing lexicon, a missing cache of imagery and standards to inform my decisions. "How do I work this?" times a million. There's something nice about making it up as I go along, but guidance would be nice, too.

Which is why I'm here again. I got so much from bouncing ideas off others before, and I hope to have a similar experience again. Having had time to marinate in my own juices (ew, I know) I'm eager to begin this conversation chain yet again.

I'm Jules, by the by. Perhaps I was known by a different assemblage of syllables before, but "Jules" is what works best now.

kdt26417 11-20-2012 12:27 AM

Hello Jules, welcome back aboard. I hope you'll have a good experience here as you did before, and bounce many ideas off of our various members.

Polyamory is a challenging lovestyle, but rewarding too. Whether that or another class of non-monogamy be your preference, you'll fit in well here, and you'll do well if you search, talk, and listen.

Anyway, glad you're here.
Kevin T.

fauxsisticated 11-23-2012 05:06 PM

I suppose that is one important distinction I should make. My partner and I are non-monogamous, but I wouldn't say polyamorous. We're okay with sleeping with others (usually those who are close friends and have similar relationship goals) but I wouldn't say we date others. I know some folks have very strong opinions about who "counts" in the poly discussions, and who's a swinger, and all this good stuff. I suppose we could be thought of as something in between poly and swinging.

Stevenjaguar 11-24-2012 02:30 AM

You write well.
I detest the term "swinging". Somehow it denotes something shallow and crass.
Sharing a night of intimacy and sex with a close friend should have a better name.

fauxsisticated 11-24-2012 03:13 PM

Yeah, I'm not particularly bothered by the term "swinger." I've been to swinger events and play parties and my partner and I have been trying to arrange one in our town. I don't think it's an inherently dirty word, but there are things that are problematic about the swinging events I've been to (hence why we're trying to build our own).

I think there's some tension between swingers and poly folk, so for someone like myself who's perhaps somewhere in the middle (story of my life) I don't disparage either.

kdt26417 11-24-2012 09:50 PM

Well, considering there are polyamorists who also swing, one would think we could all get along together ... :) ... anyway, thanks for the clarification.

All times are GMT. The time now is 11:11 AM.