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-   -   New to poly and need help! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=33207)

NewbieAsh 11-19-2012 09:00 PM

New to poly and need help!
So my bf and I are very interested in the poly lifestyle but have a few questions.

How do you start the relationship to know if it's right for you? We are looking for a quad where he has a gf and I have a bf...

Also we have one hurdle to get over and that's a small jealousy one where we have a fear that each other will like the new partner better..

If there is anyone that could please help, we would appreciate it!

Emm 11-20-2012 09:14 AM

Why a Quad rather than each dating someone separately?

NewbieAsh 11-20-2012 09:58 PM

I'm sorry - I must have written that wrong. That is what I meant. For him to have another girlfriend and me to have another boyfriend.

SchrodingersCat 11-21-2012 03:16 AM

First thing I would recognize is that it's unlikely you'll both find partners at exactly the same time. Each of you will have your own pace, and you can't try to keep up with the other, nor can one expect the other to hold back and wait for both to find someone.

The jealousy hurdle you mention sounds like insecurity. One way to help that is to reassure one another that you're still committed to the relationship, and to do special things together to maintain intimacy. But ultimately, dealing with insecurity comes from within. Many have been in those shoes, check out some Golden Nuggets threads.

How do you know if a poly relationship is right for you? Same way you know if any relationship is right for you: it feels right. Cliche I suppose, but it's true. Oh, there are plenty of signs when something is wrong, I could write a novel on that... but if you've got experience dating, you know what many of those are for you.

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