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-   -   Coming Out (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=33160)

LivingHappy 11-18-2012 08:43 PM

Coming Out
I am a happily married woman, the hinge in a closed V with my husband and equally happily married poly boyfriend who lives locally. BF and I have been together for about 9 months, are very much in love, fluid bonded, and expect our relationship to be long term. My husband does not currently have an OSO, but is looking for a woman to be the other leg on a V for him. I only have two real difficulties with being poly: scheduling (who doesn’t hate it?) and being in the closet. Well, I am not totally in the closet; there are a select few friends I have that know about my poly lifestyle in addition to our friends within the local poly community.

I really need to be out to my children. I have two sons who are in college, one in a local school, but living on campus and the other about 3 hours away. I am close to them and hate hiding this. Last spring & summer were very hard; I couldn’t have overnights with BF unless it was a weekend night and I had a cover story. They would wait up for me if I had a date during the week. I would say that I was going out with friends and I’d get home around midnight. I don’t want to go back to that when they come home for Christmas break or even next summer. I am even finding myself resenting the impending breaks when they will be home because it will impact my time with BF. I don’t want that!! I love my kids. I love spending time with them and we are very close.

I think they can handle it – I think they may know already by borrowing my laptop and seeing the poly forum bookmark! My husband is against telling them. He is concerned that the son that is 3 hours away will not take it well. He is having a hard time adjusting to being away from home and my husband is afraid that he won’t be able to handle it. I disagree. Aside from the “Eeww, I really don’t want to know about my mom’s sex life” factor, I think they will be fine. They noticed a dramatic change in their parents’ relationship when we opened up last year. Would they really care about the reason for the change? Our marriage is the best it has ever been since we opened up! These are boys who have been raised to be tolerant of all people and who support equal rights for all regardless of race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation.

What are your thoughts?

Helo 11-18-2012 11:25 PM

Chances are good the kids already know. Kids aren't stupid and they see/hear A LOT more than most people think.

They've been raised in an open-minded home and it sounds like they have a good relationship with you. If they don't already know, they'll probably be fine with it. They may be uncomfortable in the sense of "I REALLY don't want to know about my mom's sex life," but I doubt they'll be upset on moral grounds.

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