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-   -   a moment of extreme jealousy (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=32929)

Fayerweather 11-14-2012 07:25 PM

a moment of extreme jealousy
 
Please bear with me while I rant for a few minutes. Thank you in advance.

So, I've been dating boyfriend 2 for two years. He hasn't been with anyone else (except for a couple of random hook ups with an ex girlfriend). boyfriend 1 he has two other girlfriends, both of whom I get along with well. I'm used to dealing with my feelings of jealousy as it applies to him, but not to my 2nd boyfriend.

Boyfriend 2 recently went on a family vacation with his sister and in laws and met a very attractive, very talented woman. Since she lives near him, they made plans to meet up sometime in the future. Upon hearing this, I got my first stab of jealousy.

Then, he tells me that after I drive up to his parents (4 hours away) and back for Thanksgiving, that his sister wants all of us to go into the city to see her and her group perform the night we get back (she is a singer.. and did I mention how pretty she is?). More stabs of jealousy. I don't want to go see her being awesome up on stage and watch him watching her be awesome. grrrrrr! I'm now developing story lines in my head in which everyone in his family becomes enamoured of this beautiful talented woman and thinks I am a jealous stick in the mud for not wanting to go. Stories about how he must find her so much more outgoing and exciting and attractive than I am. It is not fun.

And the silly part is, that they haven't even had a first date yet! she might have a boyfriend, or not be into polyamory, or just plain not get along with him once they spend more time together. I know I'm supposed to think positive about my boyfriend's love life, but right now, I'm feeling very boring and unapealing and jealous and threatened. Ahhhhh!

thanks for listening. Any kind words would help a lot right now

psychomia 11-14-2012 09:33 PM

I have no words of advice, sadly... but I can empathize as I'm dealing with jealousy myself, and it makes no sense to me that I feel it... but like you describe, it's tied to my own feelings of inferiority :(

I also run through scenarios in my head, and I hate it. I put myself in therapy to help deal with it. luckily I have access to therapists who are poly and queer supportive. I wouldn't want to have to deal with a therapy relationship in which I wasn't fully accepted.

Fayerweather 11-14-2012 09:42 PM

Thanks for comisserating Psychomia. The above mentioned boyfriend had a monogamous therapist when he met me. The eventually grew apart because she couldn't understand anything that he was going through or dealing with.

LilacViolin 11-14-2012 11:32 PM

Faye, I understand how you feel completely. Rose is going to visit Orchid this weekend and I have gone through the whole gammate of thoughts about being "boring." Rose has been amazing in all of it.

He is with you. He cares for you. He might end up caring for her too, but love is infinite.

When I get fearful (like I am now, before this trip!) I try to be grateful for the things that I are going well. I still feel some fear but maybe not quite as much.

And yeah, I'm in therapy too, for a variety of reasons, but living this lifestyle is some of it.


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