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-   -   Relationship decline (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=32889)

Baz 11-14-2012 06:21 AM

Relationship decline
I met my boyfriend at work and we started out with a purely physical connection which developed over time. For the first year, we both slept with others because we did not love each other and were not exclusive in any sense. Eventually we put on all the "labels" but he said that he has never been monogamous in 28 years of life and wasn't ready to do it now. So as I fell in love with him and lost the desire for others, I had to deal with the heartache of his indiscretions. For the most part, I dealt with it fairly well. If I had met anyone I was sexually attracted to, I may have pursued, but I was content with him. Then over time, the sex between us dwindled. Eventually, in the end, we'd go 4-8 weeks without sleeping with each other. The time we spent together reduced, we didn't stay at each others houses much. He didn't think this was an issue as we spent "40 hours together at work every week."

Now I'm just angry. One of the things that forums like these told me was that some times a polygamous relationship can result in a closeness between you and your partner. For me, I just became the girl he had a "strong emotional connection with" but "wasn't sexually attracted to any more because he prefers new people and he knows my body too well"

I know this isn't dissimilar to a monogamous relationship disintegrating, but was wondering if this happened to anyone else?

GalaGirl 11-14-2012 02:35 PM

That has not happened to me.

But I am sorry you are angry and hurting. :(


SchrodingersCat 11-18-2012 09:46 AM

Nor has it happened to me, and I have to say... I don't think it has anything to do with non-monogamy. This kind of thing happens to lots of couples. Some people are soul mates who will be together forever. Others are not. Of those who are, it still takes boat loads of hard work to keep the relationship full of fire. It doesn't come easily.

Did he actually say that he is not attracted to you because he knows your body too well and he prefers new people? Or is that the story you're narrating based on the fact that your relationship has dwindled?

In our relationship, whenever my husband gets attracted to other girls, it spices up our relationship. The things that take the fire out are always, without exception, problems within the relationship itself.

TOROdeSerenity 11-22-2012 01:31 PM

maybe he's turned off because you're too close or too clingy? give him some space and keep your options open.. perhaps a transfer is in order?

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