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-   -   New to the forum with lots of questions, concerns and more about relationship!! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=32870)

nicole24 11-13-2012 10:47 PM

New to the forum with lots of questions, concerns and more about relationship!!
 
Hello everyone my name is nicole, age 24, and I was in a poly relationship with a married couple she is 40 and he is 43. when this started it was by pure accident I guess and then I fell in love they took me in to live with them till I got my life on track and I fell in love.It all started with him ( I dont want to use their real names so we will call them James and Angel) we had a relationship were it was me and him for a long time and angel was working and he was staying at home till he found a job she was jealous of us we had a very active sexual relationship so I backed off because she was jealous and hurt. After a while I became really close to her and fell head over heels. more into the relationship he was meaner than i am used to and she was nurturing and i am a very sensitive person. so now he decided to brake it off but she wants to stay with the both of us and have a separate relationship with him and me and I am so jealous. there is more to the story I am willing to share but for now I want to cope with this because I don't want to lose her and she has three kids that I have seen grow and they are like mine as well

kdt26417 11-14-2012 10:32 PM

Hi Nicole,
Welcome to our forum.

I am sorry to hear about these difficult times you are experiencing. Is there any way to tell why James started acting meaner? Do the three of you talk very often? Sounds like you could use a three-person sit-down (with follow-up discussions).

Ultimately you can't control what they do, you can only control what you do. So talk to them and tell them you want to stay together, at least as a V if not as a triad. Perhaps you could ask them what they'd need to happen, to be able to accept staying together. Whatever their decision is, you'll have to make peace with it somehow.

I hope being on this site will help.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.

CielDuMatin 11-15-2012 04:56 PM

I agree with Kevin - you need to all get to the bottom of why there are the issues that you are seeing. Maybe get a better understanding of what you each want, and how things have changed over the time you have been together,

nicole24 11-19-2012 06:43 PM

thank you guys well now we got back together to make things work james had a really bad burst of anger and was upset so he decided to call it off and now he decided to work on it. everything feels really different right now I dont know how to act or what to do a physically don't have anyone to talk to about this and my family would not understand

kdt26417 11-19-2012 11:22 PM

You're welcome to talk about it as much as you need to on this forum, and people will understand. Many of us have been in a similar boat as yours, and we just about all have some experience with polyamory.

Communication is arguably the most important element to a poly relationship. It's wonderful that you guys are getting back together and giving it another try. Take advantage of the opportunity to sit down all three of you, and talk about what the issues are, and how you can work together as a team to solve them. You should consider having weekly or monthly sit-downs, at least for awhile until things get calmer.

We're here to help in any way we can.


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