Polyamory.com Forum

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Karma13 07-22-2010 01:18 PM

Hello
 
I "think" I am poly. When I told my husband he said "was I leaving then?" so I don't think he gets it at all.

I have been reading books on the subject, which I know he isn't keen on, but I am starting to feel "trapped" as I feel this is really the way I am. :(

Ariakas 07-22-2010 03:01 PM

Welcome to the forum.

As a friendly FYI, its very difficult to be poly if your partner isn't interested ...

AutumnalTone 07-22-2010 03:17 PM

Welcome aboard.

DavidWebb 07-22-2010 04:07 PM

Welcome.

How long married?
How long have you 'thought' you are poly?

-DW

Karma13 07-23-2010 08:02 AM

@DW
 
Thanks.

I have been married ten years with two children.

I have "thought" I am poly since I realised that I love two different people, then I found out about polyamory and it all seemed to click into place.... about 7 months now.

Now I am worried I will never be happy. I need both of them in my life, not one or the other.

clairegoad 07-23-2010 12:12 PM

Be gentle with husband, and yourself.
 
Quote:

Originally Posted by Karma13 (Post 37104)
I "think" I am poly. When I told my husband he said "was I leaving then?" so I don't think he gets it at all.

I have been reading books on the subject, which I know he isn't keen on, but I am starting to feel "trapped" as I feel this is really the way I am. :(

Time helps. Some spouses get used to the idea. Some reject it outright after thinking for a while.

Are you near any other polys? Maybe a RL support group would be good.

Go slow... give husband a chance to catch up. He's scared, and can't imagine the future you see. He doesn't want to be hurt... and doesn't see any other option.

Be gentle with him. --And yourself. Give the idea time and space to grow.

Here's the link that was played for me, within an hour of first hearing the word polyamory.. (so I'm biased and rather fond of it..)

[Boston Globe Polyamory Youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ll0Hszcuoc4[/URL]

--and I adore the contrast of the old health class videos with the current thinking...

Watch it, watch it with him... good starting point for conversations.

claire

Karma13 07-24-2010 08:56 AM

Thanks Claire, I watched it and will try and get him to watch it. He just seems to think he can ignore "it" and it will all go away. I don't want to leave, but keep thinking I may have no other choice in the end.

Karma13 07-30-2010 02:50 PM

Update
 
I emailed him the youtube link and wrote a letter with all my feelings in it and we had a small chat and he said he is trying to get his head round it but he still loves me... Feeling a bit better now. Hope that everything will work out OK...

celtickitten 07-30-2010 03:46 PM

I'm glad that you two have opened up the lines of communication. I wish you all the best. :)

Karma13 08-13-2010 09:36 AM

Another update...
 
I don't want this to turn into a blog so if there are more updates I will post them in a different section!

Last night he (my husband) wanted to know more about the other person and I kinda clammed up and my heart sped up in my chest. I wish I could be more communicative, but I don't want any harm to come to anyone, so I feel it all lies on my shoulders and weighs me down.

I guess I was hoping that I would grow out of loving the other guy, but I don't think that will happen. I think about him everyday and can't push him out of my life now I have found him....

...but my relationship with my husband has been getting better lately, we are spending more time together and he is helping me and the kids more and hasn't been permananently at a computer game (a whole other story). I don't know if he is just scared I will leave, or trying to make me forget the other person or what.

I know someone said to take it slowly but this is driving me mad.


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