Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   General Poly Discussions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=2)
-   -   R u male or female????? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3279)

racer812 07-22-2010 01:50 AM

R u male or female?????
As I read thru all of these posts, I started to realize something. It seems to me that a majority of the people who are poly are female and the majority of the monos are male. Just wondering if this is correct.
So I am now curious(have lots of curiosity) if women are more inclined to be poly and men are more inclined to have multiple partners for the sexual act. I understand that the act of sex is much more intimate for a woman, she has to "surrender"(could probably use a better word here) her body so to speak and men just need a place.
Not trying to ruffle any feathers, just curious.
Women seem to take to poly easier than men. Are we as men(the gender as a whole) more inclined to stay mono and have a fling for our variety?
Are women more inclined to have another lover?
These are just a few questions that I have running thru my mind. Again, I dont mean to label anybody or ruffle any feathers so to speak. Just curious.

SourGirl 07-22-2010 01:58 AM

Well if that were true, there wouldn`t be all the threads complaining about the lack of poly women, or unicorns, or well, anything female. :)

Maybe women like to talk about it more on forums. Both positive and negative. Men possibly only feel compelled to talk when there is a problem they can`t handle. I`m not sure. Heard that theory before too.
That would take a closer look.

( As for the 'surrender' thing,..not a poor choice in word, a poor concept. I don`t surrender anything bodily wise, anymore then some guy that has to trust me not to hurt his dick . It is a two way street. )

No ruffled feathers. Sounded like a genuine question to me.

Ariakas 07-22-2010 01:59 AM

male - poly
wife - poly

I have noticed this forum has more females in general. Not sure if it is a difference in communication type :)

I did have someone close to me observe that women are more inclined to open their hearts quickly, while men step back and protect them. A general observation that I think applies in most cases. :)

LovingRadiance 07-22-2010 02:25 AM

I am female-poly.
Hubby is male, didn't know he was, but he's poly as well.
now ex-bf is mono.

My experience is that there are equal numbers in our area.
In fact the large majority of poly people that I've met have been couples-one male and one female.

kcatthegreat 07-22-2010 02:29 AM

More acceptable for men?
I think women feel more misunderstood and have a greater desire to form online communities and post about polyamory.

People expect men to want sex with multiple partners and it's socially acceptable for them, so they don't feel as much need to band together online and discuss their feelings.

For women who are poly, it's harder, because people don't understand how you can possibly want to have sex with more than one person. That's what I think anyway.

foxflame88 07-22-2010 02:45 AM

I am female/poly. One of my boyfriends is mono and one is poly.

AutumnalTone 07-22-2010 03:32 AM


Originally Posted by Ariakas (Post 37041)

I did have someone close to me observe that women are more inclined to open their hearts quickly, while men step back and protect them. A general observation that I think applies in most cases. :)

Research, however, shows that men get attached more quickly than do women. Not necessarily that they talk about such things more readily.

MonoVCPHG 07-22-2010 03:48 AM


Originally Posted by AutumnalTone (Post 37057)
Research, however, shows that men get attached more quickly than do women. .

I connect at the speed of light...just not very often.

PixieStyx 07-22-2010 04:16 AM

That seems accurate to me. At least in my situation it fits well. I'm female and bringing poly into my marriage was my idea seems how I fell in love after my bf's wife passed away. We started talking and texting alot and the rest is history. Now for my husband. He was NOT thrilled at the idea of poly but because I didn't sleep with bf but knew it was escalating to that point DH was willing to give it some thought. He is now actively looking for a gf and even though he wants to find one I think it will be more of a fling and that he is truely mono at heart. He has had a really hard time adjusting to me being poly.

HappiestManAlive 07-22-2010 04:38 AM

For some reason - at least in my experience and in my observations - women seem to be more open to the idea of 'sharing' than guys are. Whether this is conditioning or something genetic or both, I don't know, but it is something I've observed.

Whether or not that comes in the form of being the willing mono partner to a poly man or being the poly one in the group seems to depend more on the relationship dyamics than the person, oddly enough. Think about that for a while before flaming me for it - it's a pattern I've observed repeatedly. Women seem more comfortable with sharing a relationship in general - be that sharing their parter with others, or sharing themselves with other partners, or both.

I have often wondered if it relates to the gay/straight/bi debate. FAR more women are bisexual than men, at least everywhere I've EVER lived. Not counting the "party bi" chicks. But guys seem to settle in as gay or straight very quickly, and really bisexual or even bi curious males seem far less common. Women on the other hand - I know two or three in my whole life that count as "truly straight" - the number is down from 10 or 12 as more and more of them finally admit tht under the right circumstances or with the right woman, they'd willingly and even excitedly try it.

As for men and poly - that's also a different can of worms, and a complex one, and I'll post about it later 'cuz I'm distracted right now, lol.

All times are GMT. The time now is 11:38 PM.