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-   -   Frustrated and Misunderstood (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3278)

kcatthegreat 07-22-2010 01:10 AM

Frustrated and Misunderstood
 
Why don't people understand that you can love one person and still want to have sex with others? Whenever I tell people that, they think I don't really love my husband or they think he's bad in bed (which he's not!)

I love him very much and he's great in bed. I just think monogamy is boring and unnatural. Why can't people understand that? How can I communicate that better to the monos?

LovingRadiance 07-22-2010 02:27 AM

Ah, had a HUGE problem explaining to my husband that I could love him and love someone else AND have sex with him and have sex with someone else and neither loving or having sex with that someone else impacted the deep desire and love I have for him negatively.
In point of fact, it ALWAYS impacts my desire and love for him POSITIVELY!

Not sure how to explain that to others. I generally don't try to.
:rolleyes:

MonoVCPHG 07-22-2010 02:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kcatthegreat (Post 37038)
I just think monogamy is boring and unnatural. Why can't people understand that? How can I communicate that better to the monos?

I have a couple of suggestions. First, if you do think that monogamy is boring and unnatural, make sure you don't generalize. Make sure you add in that for you specifically it lacks desired diversity and goes against your nature. Otherwise it sounds like you are judging them as being boring and unnatural for being monogamous. That kind of statement will elicit an automatic defence emotion and put a barrier up for positive communication.

Try explaining that you and your husband have a relationship which is founded on the healthy desire and mutual freedom to experience others in whatever way you feel is positive. Get the point across that you are not a monogamous couple...the principles of your relationship include sexual freedom to explore other meaningful people. Make sure they know it is a two way street.

If all else fails..have them talk to your husband. If he truly feels the same way you do, he won't have to say much, they will see it in his eyes and feel your connection.

AutumnalTone 07-22-2010 03:34 AM

I just tell folks that we're open to additional relationships. If they can't wrap their heads around a concept that simple and fundamental, I figure spending more time explaining it likely isn't going to help.


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