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-   -   Newly interested in polyamory. Me anyway (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=32740)

bober 11-12-2012 07:13 AM

Newly interested in polyamory. Me anyway
 
I'm newly interested in polyamory. I saw a sweet piece on tv, the show was Real Sex I think. Needless to say I was intrigued, excited, which led to a feeling of constrained frustration.

In my early 50s and in a very good 7 year relationship with an amazing 5 yr old child... We do not have sex anymore, and do not even talk about it. Things just faded out gradually. Nothing dramatic happened to cause this. I still have incredible desire but for some reason not so much with my partner. Maybe it all is a result of having a child and having little time for ourselves, I just don;t know.

I've always been interested in what an open relationship would be like. Variety to me, has always seemed so exciting that I wish over the years, that I was strong enough to speak about my feelings more. I do not think my partner would be so open but she has surprised me before in other ways. I respect that this is not something she would want and do not want to jeopardize what we do have for my fantasy. I also do not know how she, or I, would be able to handle any of this emotionally, which I imagine is very normal. I've come to a point, though, where I know this is something I want and would like to explore, but I am terrified that in bringing it up in conversation as I also want to protect our child.

I don't want her to not feel loved or that I am not interested in rekindling with her being a part of this. I don't know how to start the conversation. Overall, I am very happy with our life, I know we are incredibly blessed. I'd love to hear how others have dealt with these feelings. It would be great if we went on this journey together but I feel the need to pursue this on my own if need be. This all may seem strange, but it is heart felt.

If anyone has healthy advice, thanks in advance. If anyone in a similar situation would like to chat 1 on 1, that would be great too.

GalaGirl 11-12-2012 09:49 PM

You list a bunch of things you do not know.

I'd like to lift up you mention some things you DO know:
  • Maybe it all is a result of having a child and having little time for ourselves.
  • I don't want her to not feel loved. (I love her.)
  • I am interested in rekindling with her being a part of this.
  • I do not want to jeopardize what we do have for my fantasy
  • It would be great if we went on this journey together
  • I also want to protect our child.

So... why not make some babysitting appear, court your lady some? Get that emotional intimacy built back up. Start sharing your fantasies and thoughts and inner life stuff.

Maybe she's not willing to open the marriage but is willing to share in more of your inner life. Are you giving her the opportunity to rise to the occassion and letting her get to know the authentic you?

Galagirl


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