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-   -   How to deal with living apart (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3265)

tinylove 07-20-2010 01:11 PM

How to deal with living apart
 
I am in this amazing relationship with this guy, sadly he lives about 2 hours away. It is so hard to say goodbye and right now we see each other weekly.

I would love to be able to spend more time together and only moving seems to be the possibility.

How do you deal with a relationship like this. I would love thoughts,words,wisdom please :)

LovingRadiance 07-20-2010 03:08 PM

I generally try very hard not to.
But since June 25th I've been 3000 miles away from the love of my life. We talk on the phone every day, we send sexy and suggestive texts every day. We send each other cards every week. We send emails almost daily and we write on here too. Also I have a blog-and he reads it and then sends me thoughts and feelings about what I said.

It still sucks. But it's better than nothing.

Limerence 07-20-2010 04:11 PM

Skype can be a wonderful thing if you're in a long-distance relationship. You could also send e-mails, and contact each other through Facebook and instant messengers. What my old primary and I used to do is that we would have these little move nights. One of us would pick a movie to watch, we'd both pop it into the DVD player while on MSN messenger, and we would watch it at the same time, sharing our thoughts, etc. We would also send each other little gifts. Rituals like that can really help with the distance, I think.

Good luck, and hopefully things will work out for you. :)

Ariakas 07-20-2010 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Limerence (Post 36809)
Skype can be a wonderful thing if you're in a long-distance relationship. You could also send e-mails, and contact each other through Facebook and instant messengers. What my old primary and I used to do is that we would have these little move nights. One of us would pick a movie to watch, we'd both pop it into the DVD player while on MSN messenger, and we would watch it at the same time, sharing our thoughts, etc. We would also send each other little gifts. Rituals like that can really help with the distance, I think.

Good luck, and hopefully things will work out for you. :)

In the future, to make it more personal, there is software you can get to let you watch movies together on your computer. Has the chance to make it more intimate. :)

Limerence 07-20-2010 04:23 PM

I never knew that! That's a wonderful thing. Its amazing how technology is making it more possible to deal with long-distance relationships.

redpepper 07-20-2010 07:23 PM

Mono lives ten minutes away and I feel like that everyday when I say goodbye. I feel for you. I really do.

Derbylicious 07-20-2010 07:47 PM

At this point my husband and I just have time for a couple of emails a week. He's busy working strange shifts out of country and is very busy. But when he does write it's from the heart and I'm always excited to see that there's a letter from him in my inbox. I haven't heard from him since Saturday at the moment...hopefully I'll get a letter today.

It is hard not to have that daily contact. I miss it terribly.

-Derby

dragonflysky 07-20-2010 08:17 PM

I don't have any suggestions for you tinylove, but certainly can relate. My guy and his partner live 7 hours away from me. When we're together (which is very rare...so far about once every 2 months for a few days) it's so very good. But in the "between times" it's soooooo hard.

Ilove2men 07-21-2010 06:07 AM

My boyfriend and I live 3 1/2 hours apart. We see each other one weekend out of the month. two if we are lucky. What works for us is having a routine and then adding extra when needed, never taking away unless absolutely necessary. We talk 4 times a day minimum. In the morning, for lunch, on my drive home from work, and then when we say goodnight. We have learned that we have to take turns having our "moments" when missing each other gets to be too much. That way the other can add in extra loving words and soothe fears and aches.

Some things that have worked wonders for us are pillow swaps. Asking for a picture when it gets really bad. When I go up to see him I wash all of my clothing including any clean clothes there so my laundry smells like him. I sleep in his clothing while I am with him and right before I leave I drown something of his in my perfume as a sweet surprise when he discovers it. The and last time I went I put lip gloss kisses all over his mirror which are clear but he can still see them and he has kept them there. We make sure that all needs of the heart and physically are met as much as possible. We have our "real life" talks, our "puppy love" talks, and our 'naughty" talks. We reminisce about our memories and we both thing of clever surprises. I like to so slide shows of every day things. I've taken pictures of preparing a meal from raw foods, chopping the ingredients, cooking, and then the final product. Hehe, I've done the same thing of getting undressed and taking a bath and all the way back into my pjs step by step. That one was great. He was playing video games with a friend when he started to receive them. He saves them in a file and hits the slide show button when ever he wants... I don't think he saved the food one though. :p

Those are mainly the things I do for him. What helps me the most are his words. His narratives of what he plans to do when he sees me again or telling me what he loves about me. I don't mean that I have pretty eyes or things like that. But deep personal things that I do, like how I squirm when when he's exploring my neck with his finger tips. When he says things like that I get tingles on my neck and I grab my pillow and wrap myself around it and I feel ALMOST like he is right there with me.

Its a big struggle being so far apart. Sometimes when I hear him talk about the fun things he's planning on doing it can be a downright knife in my heart because I just want to be there so bad. I have to really "lock it down" so that my longing doesn't turn into spitefulness towards him. Which I don't always succeed at, but he is very loving and understanding and we help each other through it. Through all of it... when it gets really hard. I remember that the bond that there is a reason why I allow the torture. Our bind is so amazing that it's worth it. Our song is Your love is my drug. " I don't care what people say. The rush is worth the price I pay. I get so high when you are near, but crash and crave when you leave."

Oh and we also write poetry to each other. It ranges from funny, sweet, passionate, to down right silly. I wrote one specifically for a hard night for him so he can go back and read it and know that my heart is with him.

Confused 07-21-2010 09:44 AM

When hubby and I were apart for 3 months when I was pregnant with our second child we each set up webcams that we could activate remotely. I had mine in the living room where I was with our daughter and he had his in his bedroom (he was sharing a house with others and spending most of his time in there). If I was too busy in the daytime to be able to talk or chat online he could just peek at us and feel like he was there.

We also tried really hard to make sure we got to chat every evening, and we worked hard to make it a time of really staying close so we thought during the day about what we wanted to talk about and had 3 months of sharing secrets and thoughts on everything. That was the beginning of our radical honesty in our marriage. I found that 3 months hard but it was the beginning of something wonderful.


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