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-   -   Looking for some much needed advice! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=32503)

twoplusone 11-08-2012 08:44 PM

Looking for some much needed advice!
We have a difficult situation that I am looking for much needed advice on.

My husband and I have been together almost 20 years. We have been married almost 15 years. We have had an open relationship for day 1.

Over this past year I met a woman, I shall call her C. I met her through another woman whom I was tyring to make things work and they failed. So C decided we did not need to stop being friends.

Over the spring things blossomed for me and C, however C was involved in a lesbian relationship. My Husband, I shall call him S, wanted to get to know her, but it wasnt as sucessfull as any of us would have hoped. S works long hours and social activity isn't something he can easily come by.

Me and C, fell in love. She moved out of the other girlfriends house and into ours.

My first error, I slept with C on our wedding anniversary.
Strike one against me.
S and C really did not get an opportunity to get to know each other.
Strike 2 against me.
While seperated from us, C slept with someone else and I knew about it but did not tell S, thought never occured to me about any STD's. We slept with C afterwards.
Strike 3 against me.

Now I'm trying to keep us all together because I love them both.
S can't stand to be around C. He's trying just to make me happy.
I want to be with them both.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to pull this together and fix us?
We are open to suggestons.

Let me know if you need more information or if I left any important stuff out.

nycindie 11-08-2012 10:15 PM

Why did she move in with you? I never understand why so many people think they have to all live together to be poly. She hasn't had any readjustment time from living with her ex. Plus, there would naturally be tension if you move someone in to live with a couple who has their own set ways of doing things, but it also sounds like she moved in without your husband having much to say about it. And now she's in his space and he's irritated. Why don't you just date her separately while she lives on her own? I think that would help smooth things quite a bit.

Stevenjaguar 11-08-2012 11:44 PM

I agree with nycindie. I think you rushed into having her live with you before things were settled down. You know only too well the mistakes you made, I'm sure others made mistakes, too. Sounds like you need a sit-down and trash out what each of you wants and see if you can meet in the middle somewhere if you want to make it work. And it may be that one of you doesn't want to make it work. That's OK. Not everything works out.

Anneintherain 11-10-2012 09:45 AM

^^^ That stuff

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