Polyamory.com Forum

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-   -   "virgin" poly newbie... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3209)

stevelf 07-13-2010 02:14 AM

"virgin" poly newbie...
hello, beautiful, brave folk.... my name is Steve and ,although I am in a poly relationship, I have yet to "exercise" my poly option....
I "get it" in my heart often... the compersion, the spirituality of this path, the honesty of it all--- yet , also often, I sink in the societally-programmed pit of thinking too much about her, and what she's doing with whom..... or I see a movie (!) with the poly thing portrayed in a hurtful way......
I feel I need some help.... I feel I need more sincere love in my life... I feel I need to address some ambiguities and hypocricies inside me.......
Anyway, hello, and that there was my impromptu introduction....

marksbabygirl 07-13-2010 02:21 AM

Hello and welcome :-)

Its an interesting journey - one I've only recently decided to take in all seriousness :-)

sage 07-13-2010 08:35 AM


Originally Posted by stevelf (Post 35678)
I feel I need some help.... I feel I need more sincere love in my life... I feel I need to address some ambiguities and hypocricies inside me.......

Hi Steve

I'd be interested for you to expand on this paragraph. It sounds like a good place to start in getting some help.

Ariakas 07-13-2010 04:00 PM

Welcome to the forum :)

idealist 07-13-2010 05:23 PM

Welcome!! There are a lot of awesome people here and lots of discussions!!! I too would like to hear more about your journey !!

TruckerPete 07-13-2010 10:13 PM


immaterial 07-13-2010 11:31 PM

It sounds like you are sexually monogamous in a relationship with a non-monogamous poly female? It has been crucial for me along this very steep learning curve to use language that is as absolutely specific as possible, as the concepts and behaviors themselves are so distinct. Polyamory has precisely zero to do with sex, as far as I understand it. Non-monogamy has precisely zero to do with polyamory. Of course, the two choices/preferences/orientations/lifestyles can and do overlap and co-exist, but they do not *necessarily* do so.

When you speak of poly being represented hurtfully in movies, are you perhaps referring to sexually open relationships?

Maybe certain aspects of your perspective that seem hypocritical could actually just be a confusion of terms. I was talking just a couple nights ago with a friend of mine who is polyamorous and in a monogamous, committed relationship. Her partner is not polyamorous, but he is non-monogamous. They have a working and mutually supportive arrangement where he gets to have sex with whomever he wants as long as there is no attachment and she gets to love whomever she wants as long as there's no sex. This wouldn't work for me, I don't think (what do I know? Maybe, with the right person, it would?) but it works great for them and has for the past 17 years.

Anyway, I do hear a distinct split in your post between your heart and your mind. It sounds like you "buy" the *idea* of poly but don't really feel it? I lived that way for decades regarding monogamy.


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