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-   -   Walking a new path... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3195)

marksbabygirl 07-12-2010 05:09 AM

Walking a new path...
 
After much discussion... some of it good discussion, some of it attacking/hurtful discussion.... Dh asked me today if I wanted to open up our relationship.

The smart-assed brat in me wanted to respond with "DUH"

Instead, I simply said "Yes, I would like to be able to explore possibilities that present themselves"

Funnily enough - there was a moment of "EEP" when he said HE was interested in exploring - but I understand where it comes from and can work through it. There are some insecurities on my part, but I know those are MY insecurities - and that as long as we continue to converse, and talk about the things that are important to us, we'll continue to grow together.

We have, at this point, set one major boundary.... our D/bg relationship will be OURS... no one gets that but me :-)

Its an interesting journey we'll be taking... :D

foxflame88 07-12-2010 05:20 AM

Good luck. (I would have wanted to respond with DUH too.)

marksbabygirl 07-12-2010 05:23 AM

Thanks!

We've experience an "open" relationship before -we were into swinging for quite some time.... so the discussions and negotiations are familiar territory - there's just a few new issues that we need to work around that have come up in the last few years... :cool:

It makes it ... interesting :-)

Ariakas 07-12-2010 05:33 AM

Congrat MBG. Thats a good step. You have support up here if you wanna chat :) It was a pleasure meeting you both this weekend. We had a blast. :)

marksbabygirl 07-12-2010 05:40 AM

Thanks Ari...

The conversation came about partly because of last night - he had a great time last night as well as did I.

Its going to be an interesting road... now to reign in my initial reaction to jump in the deep end with no life jacket... *snicker* :p

marksbabygirl 07-25-2010 03:18 PM

still enjoying the path I'm walking on...

Talking to a number of people.... maintaining my "friends first" stance even though its oh-so-fucking-hard.... I'm a jump into the deep end of the pool and then see if I can swim type person. But this is important to me... its not just me to think about - its also my dh and my kids and I don't want them to get hurt.

In my head - anyone who comes into my life will be involved in my kids' lives and so I need to know that they are solid - that they are someone I want my kids hanging around.

I have been chatting with the him of a couple different couples - I'd like to chat with the her too -but for whatever reasons - we're not connecting as quickly.

I've been chatting with a single woman - she's great

I"ve been chatting with the her of a couple - she's great too - however right now she's hurting and I'm in "mama-bear-rescue" mode - I have a tendency to do that :p

Its been fun :D I'm enjoying myself immensely and to my dh's delight - I'm not obsessing over anything or taking an enormous amount of time away from my family.... who knows what will happen when I actually enter into a relationship :p

I'm having fun :D

bimblynim 07-25-2010 09:45 PM

yay! good luck!

marksbabygirl 08-09-2010 04:54 AM

Still walking the path together....

Enjoying the journey and ironically - he's getting more attention than me. :p

I think its great :D

marksbabygirl 08-15-2010 02:36 AM

Had a conversation with someone the other day. Apparently the "typical" scenario goes something like this:

Man wants open/poly relationship.
Woman agrees (regardless of how that came about or how grudgingly)
Woman gets all the attention.

I've also (through reading this forum) seen the following:

Man wants open/poly relationship
Woman agrees (regardless again of the how)
Man has a new spouse.


SO not being typical - my story started out like this:

WOMAN wants open/poly relationship
Man finally agreed after MUCH conversation and assurances from woman.
Man finds someone he connects with.

Really? Can't I just do ONE thing normally???? LMFAO

He or she is out there -and I am THRILLED for dh that he's found someone he's connected with so well.

My life is a mass of contradictions and this is the latest irony :p

marksbabygirl 08-17-2010 01:54 AM

I'm in pain, he's hurting because I'm in pain but I don't want him to have to deal with my pain because he's going through some amazingly good feelings and NRE. I'm thrilled for him.

I'm angry and hurting and pissed off and I don't know how to effectively express that - it has NOTHING to do with him or the relationship he's developing.

But I find myself making snarky remarks about it all - and that's not fair to him, because he's going through some really awesome stuff.

I don't know how to get my needs met without hurting other people right now. I'm effectively shutting things down and stuffing it behind walls. Someone hurt me, through thoughtlessness and insensitivity and I have yet to talk to this person, but it hurts M to see me in such pain.

I don't want him to hurt because I'm hurting, so I hide it.

Stupid fucking circle. I hate it.


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