Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Introductions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=9)
-   -   new, feeling lost (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3172)

babe 07-08-2010 10:56 PM

new, feeling lost
 
My husband and I are in an open relationship, we both see 'old flames' from time to time. We both battle with jealousy, but strongly feel that it is healthy to be able to step out of daily life (with 3 kids).

He likes to call himself poly, I dislike labels as I feel that with labels come rules.

I guess I'm joining this site to expand my views, and see how other people deal with jealousy. We would be interested in meeting other couples as well, perhaps as friends first.

thanks!

babe 07-09-2010 03:01 PM

babe's husband
 
Hi all

I just wanted to reiterate and add to my wife's introduction.

We hope to find great help and support and sharing as we meander through our wondeful open marriage.

My wife 'babe' kindly pointed out that I like to say I am poly.
Correction: I AM poly but she is not. But she is very open minded hence her (us) joining this forum. It'll hopefully help her to understand me better.

I look forward to reading many of your posts.

Have fun. I know I will :)

Thanks for all being here.

Mr. babe

clairegoad 07-09-2010 03:10 PM

We've seen lots of poly/mono relationships work through the issues.

Mr. Babe, I'd suggest you get a login.... that makes it A LOT easier for us to know who we're talking to. It gets confusing enough around here.:D

One advantage here, is you quickly learn the vocabulary of poly, so it is easier to talk about what is going on in your lives. Redpepper wrote an excellent article on jealously.. http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1877

You're in the right place. Keep talking. At first I was surprised at the information disclosed in these forums... but I've watched many couples work through the disagreements-- to a variety of conclusions.

claire

AutumnalTone 07-10-2010 09:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by babe (Post 35232)
He likes to call himself poly, I dislike labels as I feel that with labels come rules.

Labels are merely descriptions and can be quite useful.

Ariakas 07-11-2010 12:31 AM

Welcome to the forum. Hopefully you make your own account and join us as well, shared accounts are difficult to track at times :)

Enjoy the ride, lots of great people and advice here

Ari

foxflame88 07-11-2010 01:36 AM

Welcome to the group, both of you. I would also suggest "Mr. Babe" get his own account, for clarity sake and so that we may get to know you both as individuals. :)

sage 07-11-2010 01:36 AM

Hi Babe

I think you are probably a little bit like me. I could be very happy as a mono in the right relationship, but a relationship with a poly is not that kind of relationship. Does that make sense?

I don't know if the link you got sent enabled you to find a good article on jealousy, I clicked on it and didn't. I think there is something if you go into www.xeromag.com and look under the article titles.

What it seems to boil down to is partly that the jealousy is bringing up something that is lacking in your relationship, so you are triggered when someone else gets that something. In your case it could be quality time with your partner. With three kids that is hard to get at the best of times and then to have someone else eat into it must be doubly hard. I can see why you go and see others as well but in some ways that would be a double whammy if what you really want is quality time with your partner. That's one of the reasons I haven't yet seen anyone else, I feel like I'd be biting off my nose to spite my face.

I said "partly" because for me there is also the loneliness factor. My partner is my favourite person, I miss him when he's gone and when he's gone to be with his OSO I miss him more, imagining him in her arms.

I'm hoping to improve our situation by developing more of a triad with OSO. But somehow I don't think that will be the end of it. Z loves women. He has a 'type' and if she happens to be unhappy he wants to make it all better. Not that he acts on it but I can see it's there in the very framework of his psyche. I find that labels are helpful, If I hadn't labeled him I would still be without the support I've found in the poly community and trying to figure out this amazing but very unique partner of mine.

Welcome

CielDuMatin 07-20-2010 04:28 PM

A bit late to the greeting table, but welcome!

There are quite a few local resources in New York City for poly folk, if you are looking to meet folks face-to-face.

Hope you both find the answers you seek.


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