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-   -   Gay couple that "plays together only" (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=31710)

CaliGuy 11-05-2012 02:51 AM

Gay couple that "plays together only"
My BF and I have been together for almost 5 years. He is a complete techy (introvert/quiet) and I am the extrovert (loud). We've played together in the past with only a few guys and right now we have a really good friend who occasionally joins us.
I am interested in more of a polyamourus type life style, I think. Over this past year and a half I've seen some really sweet connections between these two boys. (my BF and our friend) an I think I want more of this from the two of them. Since they are both generally quiet people they've connected in a special way. Sorry, this must sounds crazy to everyone.
I am a very loving person and just like being open, honest, and wouldn't mind sharing that love with a third person.

So my question is are there gay couples or triples out there who have this kind of a thing? How do I go about talking about this with my BF? I tend to travel alot for work and also really like the idea of them being able to be close while I am away.
Thought? Concerns? Am I missing something?

AnnabelMore 11-05-2012 03:07 AM

Hey there. Yes, transitioning from playing as a couple to developing independent relationships with another partner is very common, whether the people in question are straight, bi, or gay. Keep in kind that your bf and your friend may develop a romantic relationship, and that this may NOT happen between your friend and you -- would you be ok with that? You can never predict or dictate how these things will go, so don't go into it unless you're open to staying flexible and seeing where it goes.

This website is a great place to get started, and may give you some useful thoughts for talking with your bf. I would particularly recommend this particular page -- http://www.morethantwo.com/coupledating.html

Good luck!

CaliGuy 11-05-2012 03:19 AM

Hm...food for thought. I didn't really think of that. I find it both exciting and nerve racking.

I think I am a little more prone to falling for people, so when I see that in him it really excites me.

I don't think I am a jealous person, I would be more concerned with his feeling getting hurt than mine.

Thank you forte website, I'll have to look that up.

Silkanie 11-05-2012 05:00 AM

My partner and I started out in a long distance relationship that flowered and flowed into a more intricate relationship with partners that had been there for each of us over a long time. Our relationship wasn't closed and is now, I'm typically not an overly jealous person but it was very trying on my ability to contain my jealously for a long time, and it's not without it's rocks. We are in a completely involved relationship as that was one of the conditions of expanding our relationship, that everyone involved must do all they can to be equal and generous and open to everyone else. It is hard and stressful at times but it is many times that magnitude in wonder on our good days.

RfromRMC 11-09-2012 03:05 PM

There are lots of gay triads out there and even some quads. I was once in a triad (broke up due to reasons unrelated to poly), and am friends with a few other all-male triads. One even recently joined my local poly organization. So yes, it's out there.

If you guys do eventually consider going the route of a polyfidelitous triad dating, this is a good link with some of the best tips you can get: http://sexgeek.wordpress.com/2010/03...ks-for-triads/

It's rewarding but it will not be easy. You have to find a guy that wants to date, and fall in love, with both of you. And it be someone that both of you fall in love with. It's not just one big relationship but also three small ones inside of it.

Good luck!

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