He Tried To Be Poly For Me
Hi fellow poly people *waves at you... yeah you, the person reading this right now* :D
I haven't really told anyone here about my past poly relationships, I noticed that my introduction was lacking in that particular area (which I think was kinda odd on a poly forum lol). So I guess I'll do it here.
Well as I said in my introduction, I'm gay AND poly :eek: and have always been. In my early mono relationships, I found myself feeling so boxed in and limited :(. After learning about poly and embracing it as a part of who I am, I decided that any relationship I have from now on would have to be poly. The hard part about that is that I'm from Memphis Tennessee... not alot of poly's running around :(. So anyway I eventually got in a relationship with a monogamous guy. We had a good conversation about what our relationship would be, and I told him that I would need the freedom to "venture", and he was given the same freedom, and upon the initial conversation he seemed so excited and positive and supportive of the situation, and I was ecstatic that he was so willing to embrace being poly so quickly. We agreed that any relationship (or sexlationship) we had outside of our relationship, we would let eachother know. -I'd like to note that this was my first open relationship, and that personally for my poly I'm more interested in group relationships like triads and quads, but wanted to try this out first- Well anyway for the first month when we were still just 'open to the idea' of being poly, things were great between us. But when I started talking to other guys and trying to talk to him about them, he got... distant. I could tell that the excitement from our initial conversation was fading quickly as it started to become a reality, as opposed to just a 'fun idea'. The first guy he was completely supportive verbally, but I could still tell that he'd rather I didn't go through with it subconsciously. It gave me the feeling that even though I was given the green light, it was really more of a yellow light, and that it would turn red before I could even reach the intersection :confused:. I felt like I was cheating on him, even though we had agreed on it. So I ended my brief relationship with the second guy in order to keep my "primary" happy. The second situation was just flat out shot down. There was a guy who I'd gotten to know, and he wanted me to spend time with him and his friend, like together, which was awesome for me since I like group dynamics anyway and feel more comfortable around more than just one other person. However before I could even tell the primary about the entire situation, he was already completely over the idea and just shot it down. Honestly I felt betrayed. I had been honest with him from the beginning about what we would be, but he had already started to get into the mindstate of wanting me only to himself. Maybe I was wrong for not just ending our relationship then, but instead I made the selfish decision of... *cheating* on him with the guys :(... It was an interesting situation though. It was like a Vee, they were both only intimate with me, sometimes at the same time, other times separately. I'd talk to them, and they'd talk to eachother. Although the large part of that relationship was sex based and short lived, it gave me a small taste of what it would be like to be in a group-based relationship, which is a big relationship goal for me in the future. The primary never learned about the full details about my relationship with them, because in my attempt to come clean with him, he started this huge argument about this that and the third, and we eventually broke up before I could tell him about the most part of it :(
What I learned from that situation is that for one, I personally detest the idea of having a "Primary". No shade to the people who have primaries, I'm glad it works for you guys :) But it's just uncomfortable to me, to feel like I have to give one person significantly more attention than others just because of his title. That may not be how it works for some of you, but it's the way he made me feel and essentially made me not want another one. Also I learned that open relationships may not be for me either, in that I felt uncomfortable being with other guys without my "primary" being involved as well. I felt most comfortable with the group. I hope that's what I find next. And the biggest thing I learned is that dating a Mono is hard work!!!
I'm currently single. I'm not exactly "looking" right now, but when my next relationship comes, it will most likely be with intentions of forming a committed group. Seems that the group configuration will fit me, my needs, and my personality perfectly :D
wish me luck guys
just wanted to share.
I'm open to any advice you may have to offer, I'm still a newbie, I'm only 19y/o XD
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