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-   -   Looking to Gain the Benefits of Poly Lifestyle (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=31645)

lkp5045 11-04-2012 08:13 AM

Looking to Gain the Benefits of Poly Lifestyle
Hi all, after extensively reading and studying all the details of a Poly lifestyle, I have decided to fully commit myself to Poly ways and am attempting to throw myself in head first. I just need a lot of help starting out. I have been in a monogamous relationship for the past four years with a man that I truly love and care about. Though we are both juniors at Penn State, please don't write us off because of our age. We are both passionately looking to explore the loving and sacred ways of Polyamory, and have agreed to make the commitment to give this lifestyle everything we have. We both believe in the values and principles behind Polyamory, and are looking for companionship, fellowship, and leadership in the Polyamory community. Please feel free to contact me with any advice or interests you have!

Helo 11-04-2012 10:22 AM

Awesome. Welcome to the club, coffee and doughnuts on Thursdays, Fridays are karaoke, and t-shirts are available out in the lobby.

Seriously though, its great that you're taking a step you feel will be meaningful to you.

I do have to be Captain Buzzkill and ask a couple of questions, feel free to tell me to fuck off or answer them as you see fit. If nothing else, they are important to ask yourself.

First, have you run this by your manfriend yet? I know you are "both passionately looking to explore the loving and sacred ways of Polyamory" but I mean have you actually sat him down and had a big long conversation, making it clear as fresh glass that this is the way you want to live, that its not some phase or fad, that you still love him and want to be with him? If you have talked to him, is he on the same wavelength as you?

Second, have you thought about and developed some plans for dealing with the world? A poly relationship IS still technically illegal in some states and there are a number of professions that dont look kindly on it. How will your family react? Are you prepared to find out that certain friends had parts of them you never knew they had?

Dont get me wrong, I'm not trying to discourage or dissuade you in any way. Polyamory is one of the best things I've ever embarked on in my life and I say that with absolutely no reservations. There are no small number of people who would echo that statement around here and I'm always happy to see our numbers grow.

But these are the kinds of things I REALLY wish someone had smacked me upside the head when I first started identifying as poly and asked me. If I had sat down and thought of them, I'd have avoided a seriously messy introduction.

I wish you and yours the very best, whatever happens.

Emm 11-04-2012 01:14 PM

Lieutenant Buzzkill here.

What are these "sacred ways of Polyamory" of which you speak? There's nothing overtly religious or spiritual about the way many (most?) people practice Poly.

kdt26417 11-04-2012 09:11 PM

Hi lkp5045,
Welcome to our forum.

Have you read the book "Opening Up" yet? If not, I recommend it, it has a lot of helpful perspective and advice. Perhaps there's a local poly group somewhere in your area; you could google "Pennsylvania polyamory" and see if anything turns up.

What are your plans? How do you plan to get started in the poly lifestyle? What will you do first? I ask because it will help give me a better idea of what advice to give.

I recommend doing a lot of communicating. Communication is of utmost importance in polyamory. Keep on exploring the various threads in this site, and post any thoughts, questions, or concerns you may have.

Glad you could join us.
Kevin T.

AutumnalTone 11-05-2012 01:38 AM

Welcome aboard. I think you'll find the trip interesting!

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