Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Poly Relationships Corner (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=4)
-   -   Poly-curious (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=31575)

dfly67 11-03-2012 05:03 AM

Hello. I have been lurking on this forum for about a week now and thought I would finally make a post. I am 28 years old and currently in a two-year long monogamous relationship with my partner, NC, who I recently told that I have been considering polyamory. Sorry ahead of time for the long post.

A little about my history first: Prior to this relationship, I dated both men and women and usually in a poly-style, though I never had a name for it. I usually would maintain several relationships or FWB at once, often caring deeply for more than one person at the same time. I have one other committed, long-term relationship which was with a man, that was non-monogamous. This current relationship is my first truly monogamous one as well as my first relationship with a woman.

I suppose because of society's conditioning, I assumed that the reason I always explored multiple relationships was partly because I had never been in love with anyone the way I love NC, and also because I was unsatisfied with my male partners and was always seeking relationships with women on the side.

Recently I've begun to question these views. It first started when NC and I began watching Showtimes Polyamory show together, and I began to question my mono mindset. Not long after that, I met a girl, SI, who I am extremely attracted to and feel an intense chemistry with. NC and I are completely happy and satisfied in our relationship, so the attraction really confused me at first. I began to forget about SI, when NC and I ran into her at a party this past weekend. NC could see that I was attracted to SI, and agreed to let me make out with her. (We already agreed prior to this it is ok if one of us kisses someone else, as long as the other is present and ok with it.) Things started to go a little farther than planned and NC invited SI into a bedroom with us for a possible threesome, but became uncomfortable and called it off.

After the party I couldn't stop thinking about SI, even though I barely know her now. I began reading on this forum and poly sites and think I am most likely poly. I began to feel like I was lying to NC by not being honest and felt it best to tell her about my poly thoughts and feelings for SI. She was really shocked at first, but took it quite well. Right now I'm not asking for her to open the relationship, just to talk about poly philosophy with me, let me be honest about my feelings, and to share what emotions all this brings up for her, all while keeping an open mind. We both believe that honesty and communication are the cornerstones of our relationship, so even though she is feeling a little hurt and confused right now, she is glad I communicated this to her rather than keep it inside.

I'm glad I've found this forum - it feels good just to finally get all this out.

Is there anyone else out there who has successfully transitioned from a mono to poly relationship, especially with a mono partner?
Is it possible to have poly feelings, but be satisfied in a mono relationship?

NovemberRain 11-03-2012 05:22 AM


I just wanted to say welcome. I'm guessing you are a woman? (not clear from your post) ;) I am female. I find it interesting how much gender can disappear on line.

I'm glad you found this forum, and that you have a place to get it out. I, myself, am really happy to have this place.


Originally Posted by dfly67 (Post 163870)
Is there anyone else out there who has successfully transitioned from a mono to poly relationship, especially with a mono partner?
Is it possible to have poly feelings, but be satisfied in a mono relationship?

There are many stories here about mono-poly transitions and relationships. The search function might be quite useful to you. My story is a bit different, so I don't feel I have much to offer. I do think it can be like being bisexual. I identify as bisexual (I might be pan, but I don't know). I view it as 'I fall in love with people, and I worry about what parts they have later.' I think for me, poly is also like that. I almost had a multiple relationship when I was younger (with two other women). I think I've been open to it; I've just not been with others who were, and I never sought it out.

I'm pretty happy right now, and I suspect should my current arrangement fall apart, I might seek this out in future.

dfly67 11-03-2012 05:37 AM

Hi November Rain and thanks for the welcome :)

Yes, I am female and guess I should have included that in my post!

All times are GMT. The time now is 08:54 AM.