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-   -   starting relationships (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=31182)

room4onemore 10-29-2012 08:42 PM

starting relationships
Hi, we're hoping to get some feedback from more experienced members on how they met their partners/lovers...is it possible to just walk up to strangers in bars and identify yourself honestly and accurately without getting shunned? We've been reluctant to put ourselves out there in that way, but dating sites have been fruitless and we have been unable to find any real groups in our area (central NJ) - are we looking for love in all the wrong places?

We see lots of posts here from people in active poly relationships so we have hope that our missing piece (or pieces) is out there. Any insight would be greatly appreciated!

LovingRadiance 10-29-2012 08:49 PM

I an always upfront and honest about my lifestyle. I don't 'look for' new partners ever. I just go about life meeting people, being friendly and making friends. I find that many people are comforted by seeing over time that I treat my partners with love, respect and public acknowledgement of their importance in my life-even thise who are questioning of poly when we meet, tend to come around when seeing how we interact.
Also, I am honest and they have good cause to believe that what they are seeing isn't designed just to get something from them because it doesn't change. I am just me regardless of where I am or who I am with.

TheLizardQueen 10-30-2012 04:58 AM

my husband and i are coming across the same issues...more specifically with women. i have not really had a problem with a boyfriend...but he has hell trying to talk to women. as soon as they learn he is married he is shunned...no matter what i have to say about it. men are more like "ok whatever" i have no clue but we are in the saaame boat

MoonElf 10-30-2012 05:20 PM

I guess I never had that problem because I don't go around looking for people. Things normaly evolve from friendships with me, and my friends always know about me being poly. I have a really hard time conecting with complete strangers enough to tell them stuff like that, and I wouldn't feel confortable hiding my boyfriends from any new partners (even if just casual sex, because thing can evolve from there, and then it started ou with a lie. Not cool.) So I just don't date strangers in a bar, ever. XD But that's me. I feel better when there's friendship and trust involved.

I can see how things can be harder on men. While most of my male friends would agree to casual sex at least, Peaches normal response to me asking him about "the girls" is "ain't nobody got time for that." He does complain that girls usually shun him after he mentions me, or just seem to believe they will eventually be able to "steal him" from me somehow, to the point that he just gave up girls until he's finished with his gradutaion, at least XD

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