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-   -   New and confused (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=31105)

polyhesitant 10-28-2012 05:11 PM

New and confused
 
Hi everybody, been looking at this forum for some time now, getting the nerve to post. So here it goes. My bf and I moved in with with our "poly" couple about a year ago. Just as friends while the husband of the couple was deployed. A few months in the topic of poly came up and I agreed to try although not till the hubby came home from deployment to avoid any lopsidedness. During this time the wife and my bf started getting really close, I was the one working so they were home all day together that's when the twinges of jealousy started for me. They connected on so many levels that he could never with me. Fast forward to the hubby finally coming home and after a month I backed away from the poly letting them all know I felt sex was far too much of a focus for everyone. All I studied on poly was more than room switches and the men swapping stories. In all honesty I have little to no desire to sleep with anyone but my bf. Everyone aggreed (least they told me they did) to give me time. But the comments come out every few days...how I'm not interested in poly cuz I'm not ok with swapping that I want my relationship with my bf to be more solid before juggling more.....heck really I love these people and would do anything for them but I'm just not sexual parts of it and feel poly should be deeper. I'm beyond confused because at the same time it feels so unbalanced. I work most everyday and so does the hubby...leaving the wife and my bf to bond all day. My bf won't share or open up the way he does for her ani had whem I focus what few hrs I get off work on the bf I get to feel guilty because comments of how I'm not focused on them. I've tried talking to them and all of them say its just me and my jealousy and I'm being childish. I just don't know what to do.

GalaGirl 10-29-2012 02:56 AM

Your body is yours to share with who you wish.

If you do not wish to share it? Don't.

What kind of open model relationship are they wanting? They sound like they want swinging. You sound like you want something else.

Any hope of people pointing to something on the list and going "THAT one. That is what I am after here" so you all can at least get clear on what people want/expect here?

As for jealousy -- what's that speak to? Are you doing all of page 5 for yourself? Are they doing page 6 for you and giving support? Or leaving you out on a limb / minimizing / putting you down? What kind of support/nurture can you expect from this open relationship -- whatever model it is? Do you feel emotionally safe in this relationship?

You have the right to want what you like best in your romances. So does everyone else. If all the wants do not match up -- then there's some choices to make and things to reconcile.

Hang in there. BREATHE.
Galagirl

nycindie 10-29-2012 04:30 AM

They all sound like assholes, to be honest. You shouldn't be disrespected and made to feel bad because it's not the kind of situation you want to be in. You are right in that poly is about much more than sex. <sigh> I don't know what else to say except to ask why you stay? Doesn't sound loving and nurturing to me.

Wizzard 10-29-2012 06:54 PM

So, you're working full time, and when you do get home, you're confronted with people harassing you for something you're not comfortable with? The 2 people who don't work sit home, flirting and scheming?

I agree with nycindie, that doesn't sound very loving and nurturing. It SOUNDS like you (and the husband) are being taken advantage of.


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