Polyamory.com Forum

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-   Introductions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=9)
-   -   Hello, new here (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3106)

dancingalone 07-01-2010 10:44 PM

Hello, new here
Hi, it seems the norm in here to give a little background, so here goes: I'm a single parent, haven't had a real relationship in years and have been circling around the concept of polyamoury for a while. I've been looking through the threads in here and there seems to be quite a few people in here that seem to really care about helping people out. Mostly I'm looking to see what develops, there's no point in trying to force relationships. I'm hoping that I can at least develop a friendship or two with people that don't think my worldview is weird. Thanks.

dancingalone 07-01-2010 10:58 PM

LOL okay trying again...New here
I think I tried to start a thread in the wrong place, lol. So I, the great technodufus, am going to try again. Anyway, it seem normal to give a bit of background in here. I'm a single parent, and haven't been in any kind of relationship for years. I've been circling around polyamoury for a while, although I don't think I really have a clue how...what...who...you name it but i'm clueless. I have no idea how I would initiate a poly relationship. From what I've been reading people in here seem willing to try to help each other, so I'm hoping at least to find a friend or two that don't think my worldview is weird. Thanks

AutumnalTone 07-02-2010 01:29 AM

welcome aboard.

AutumnalTone 07-02-2010 01:40 AM

You posted in the right place the first time--your introduction was on the Introductions board, which is the right place.

Posting your intro here can serve to start a thread, too, so don't sweat the double posting.

Now, why do you think beginning a poly relationship is completely different than beginning a mono relationship? The first step in each is to find somebody interesting and get to know them...were you expecting something different?

Somewhere early on you explain that you want a poly experience and that person will either still be interested or not--much the same as if you said you wanted to live way out in the country, off the grid or you want fifteen children in the future or some other thing.

If that person is still interested and willing to give it a try, you work out exactly how you want to approach things--you hash out the boundaries and expectations for your relationship, which is the same thing you'd do for a mono relationship.

Then, when you find somebody else you're interested in, you do the whole thing again, only getting feedback from the folks you're already involved with.

Building a healthy relationship is the same whether you're involved with one person or with several.

dancingalone 07-02-2010 02:28 AM

Probably because I can't manage that either. I never thought I was any crazier than anyone else but nearly ten years alone will make you think different. lol Seriously, I know I'm difficult but I refuse to believe it's impossible to find a good balance, but obviously I'm not going to find it the way I've been looking. So with all apropriate dignity and decorum...HELP!!! I could use some.

AutumnalTone 07-02-2010 03:46 AM

What do you mean by "...I'm difficult...?" That may be a good place to begin the discussion.

dancingalone 07-02-2010 05:06 AM

Stubborn,independant, accustomed to making all the decisions,(mostly because there's no one else to), and more than a little contridictory in what I want. I know that it would be easier to take care of everything if I had help, but not having to argue over how to take care of things has it's plus' too. While I know I shouldn't change anything about me unless I want, it seems that the way I am scares the hell out of everyone else. I'm the friend that no one hangs out with unless they need me to fix something or help them thru something. I don't have a problem with helping people out, and it's great when i can see a solution to a problem, but I'm not everybody's mother. Par tof why I started looking at this site was because I hoped that if I did something different, I'd get a different result. You know what they say about the definition of insanity, lol. I'm just not some simpery little female that sleeps around. Unfortunately, that's all that seems to get any attention. Mama never taught me how to bat my eyes, she taught me to not wait on a man to take care of anything. An ex-husband that walked out on me and a six month old baby didn't help that lesson. Add to that the few times I've managed to start some kind of romance...they've never stuck around long. LOL One actually was mad at me because I opened the house door for myself despite having both hands full of bags of groceries. I guess it didn't occur to him to just say I'll get the door for you. I don't know. I know better than to let idiots make me feel less than I am but obviously I've got to do something differently. Add to that my growing interest in poly....I've always been mono but that's not what I think about these days when I think about what I want for the future. Anyway, you might also notice i'm more than a little tangential, which can make it a little confusing to talk to me, lol-so that's what I mean by difficult.

foxflame88 07-02-2010 07:02 AM

welcome :)

foxflame88 07-02-2010 06:26 PM


dancingalone 07-02-2010 08:58 PM

Thank you:)

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