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-   -   Best way to approach someone(s) about a triad? ("group relationship") (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=31023)

Alyssa 10-27-2012 02:36 AM

Best way to approach someone(s) about a triad? ("group relationship")
Hullo everyone! It's nice to meet all of you;I'm here to ask for a bit of advice today.
There are two people, both of which I have romantic history with, who I've been attempting to approach in regards to a polyamorous relationship;specifically what's known as a "group relationship", I believe? As mentioned, I've been involved with both of them in the past, and I have reason to believe that they both have at least some romantic interest in one another. However, I've never been in any sort of polyamorous relationship before, and though I've been doing a considerable amount of reading up on the subject, I would like a bit of advice on the best way to...proposition the two of them, so to speak. Is it better to do it in person, at the same time, separately, through a letter so I can compile my thoughts more concisely, etcetera? What sort of things should I say? I'm open to any and all advice, as I'm beginning to feel rather lost at this point.

Stevenjaguar 10-27-2012 02:58 AM

Given you history with them, I think I would let them make the first move. I think it's best to hang out with them and be on good terms with them so they might be comfortable bringing it up. If either of them is not currently romantically attracted to you, your suggesting it wouldn't be productive.

My advice: Be friends, get close and see what happens.

GalaGirl 10-27-2012 04:42 AM

A triad is all three people involved romantically with each other. They may like YOU. They may not be interested in EACH OTHER.

I would say the best approach is to state what you want to person A and person B in person or by email separately and offer to have a meeting in trio later if they are both up for it to clarify expectations of each other/their roles in the possible polyship.

Finding out if they are even willing to just DISCUSS. Could be they are willing but each envisions a different model. So... not a runner. But you come to that square 2 only after passing square 1. So deal with square 1 first.

"Listen -- I really like you. I want to date you and (other person) at the same time. Is that something that could interest you and you could be ok with? And if so, what kind of open model relationship would interest you the most? Would you be willing to get together in trio to talk about details like that and what it could be like if we all decided together that we want to go there?"
They are either up for it or not.

The only way to KNOW where they stand with their willingness is to actually ask them. You can't be a mind reader. They could say yes, willing. They could say no, not willing.

Either way, you get to get to KNOW. Then you are free to choose your next behavior from a place of full information. You could choose to date both, to date one of them only, or date neither of them and seek a triad elsewhere.


Becca 10-27-2012 01:46 PM

Invite them on a date. Don't call it a date, but dinner for the three of you, drinks maybe. See of there's chemistry. Talk about poly in general, get their opinions. Don't push anything-- it's just the first date. If you click, do it again. And again.

Date, before you start talking about relationships.

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