Polyamory.com Forum

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hopefuldrew 01-31-2009 05:34 AM

Hello
 
Hello Everyone!

I am Drew, 45, married and straight, and live in the northeast USA. I have recently found out the hard way that I am poly. I fell in love with my good friend. Oh boy! It was the real thing… But I did not know anything about “poly” until after the fact. Oops!!! And so because I was raised a boy scout with Cinderella-monogamy-forever stories fluttering around in my naïve dopey head, and I very much also and still loved my wife, well, I was very confused and a pitiful mess. My coping skills and behaviors became that of a 14 year old. I became the jerk-cheater. I pretty much fucked everything up.

We are healing now after I really hurt and then almost lost my wife (and kids). I did lose my friend and I miss her. I am more than humbled, amongst many other things. But it all sticks with me and nags at me, this new “knowing” of what love and relationships are and/or can be. I have been reading a whoopin’ lot of poly books, and to think I thought I knew everything! The “be open and honest” rule… that should be part of high school health class, and then revisited every time one enters into a relationship… it is a very good rule.

So I am hear for good conversation with people who I don’t have to explain myself to in regards to loving two. It was a relief the other night when I first found this site and read some of your intros and exchanges, a real breath of fresh air. I hope to learn from you all and be supportive too.

There you go!

AutumnalTone 02-07-2009 04:12 PM

Yeah, dumping the toxic monogamy myths from one's psyche can take a bit of doing. I wasn't ever entirely comfortable with them, and think it only the constant pounding from all sides that kept me trying to live with them. I was not only a boy scout, but reared in a fundamentalist church!

I think it safe to say that I'm quite happy to be free of those situations as an adult.

Dysnomia 02-15-2009 04:08 PM

My husband just discovered that he is poly. I am not. We have no children and I don't want to lose him, but I don't know how to try to live with this. Is there someone I can talk to? I love him and am willing to do anything to make our relationship work.

Please help me.

idealist 03-22-2010 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AutumnalTone
Yeah, dumping the toxic monogamy myths from one's psyche can take a bit of doing. I wasn't ever entirely comfortable with them, and think it only the constant pounding from all sides that kept me trying to live with them.


Very well said!!

MonoVCPHG 03-22-2010 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dysnomia (Post 121)
My husband just discovered that he is poly. I am not. We have no children and I don't want to lose him, but I don't know how to try to live with this. Is there someone I can talk to? I love him and am willing to do anything to make our relationship work.

Please help me.

Feel free to PM me :) I'm no great sage but I'm not poly either so I can try to help from that perspective. If I can't I'll simply be honest and tell you it's too much for me:)
Take care
Mono

foxflame88 03-24-2010 03:17 PM

Welcome to the group, Drew.


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