Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Introductions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=9)
-   -   Hello all!!!! Like to introduce myself. (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3094)

PixieStyx 06-29-2010 09:07 PM

Hello all!!!! Like to introduce myself.
Hello everyone!

My name is Jamie and I'm a polyaholic.... (just kidding). :P

No, actually I am very NEW to this as are a lot of people. Just a little background on me. I'm 9 years married to my highschool sweetheart and mother of four crazy boys. I live in Salt Lake City, UT and am inactive LDS. (mormon that hasn't been to church in a long time LOL). We are (or at least were lol) a monogamous couple. (LDS not FLDS lol) BUT in recent months I have fell in love with someone at my job. My husband was aware of our friendship and was ok with that. It increasingly developed into a romantic one though I have NOT slept with him. I recently told my husband that I had feelings for this other man and wanted to try a poly lifestyle. He was not thrilled but is willing to give it some thought. We have set some terms. Most I'm ok with but one I'm really not only cause it restricts me with my other love. However, I was willing to make the sacrifice for my husband as I really feel that asking him to try this was REALLY asking a lot of him.

This is all NEW territory for all involved. Its very exciting yet VERY scary. My husband's biggest fear is that we will fall out of love with each other and more in love with our partners. I can see that, I fear it too. I hope it will be a good experience and I look forward to making friends and seeking advice here along the way. :) Feel free to ask me questions.

AutumnalTone 06-29-2010 09:50 PM

Welcome aboard.

Your fears of falling in love with new partners and out of love with current ones are common. They speak to a wholly monogamous view, however, as the underlying assumption is one of romantic love being a zero-sum game, that you only have X amount of love and if you give that to one person, you have none for anybody else.

I suspect you'll be quite relieved to find out that love is not a zero-sum game--that you're able to love more than one person at a time without losing any existing relationships. It's a whole 'nother world when that realization hits.

immaterial 06-30-2010 11:31 PM

Welcome and good luck with the communication around this new love of yours with your husband. I look forward to hearing how it all goes.

I am beginning to realize that I have often only started truly loving another human being when I fell out of love with her. :-)


solarwindsfly 07-01-2010 10:21 PM

Welcome and I hope you enjoy learning and getting to know people here. I am new too and really like being able to read others questions and answers so I dont have to ask them all :) As for love... remember that even the bible says that love is endless. You cannot run out! Thats the best part. The hard part is having enough time and good communication skills for the maintenence part (at least it is for me). Post it on a wall somewhere or remind yourself every day for a few months and hopefully it will sink is better (it does for me) Love is endless, no beginning and no end. Love can never be too much and never be used up :) Good luck! I hope you find what you both want and more:)

Morningglory629 07-02-2010 07:22 PM

Nice screenname...just had a conversation about pixiestix the candy!!!:D

SourGirl 07-02-2010 10:49 PM

Welcome !

I am the mother of 4 as well, and can relate. lol.

Sounds like your husband and yourself are off to a cautious, but optimistic start.
Nothing wrong with that. :)

PixieStyx 07-08-2010 03:33 AM

Thanks Morning Glory :) I like my screenname too :P

Thanks everyone!!! This is really a big step for us that we (or at least my husband) is very hesitant to take. I give him credit though. He took this SOOOOO much better than I thought he would when I broke it to him that I wanted to try this. I do believe he feels a little threatened that this other man is going to steal me away. BUT I'm optimistic that we are working through that. He has even started profiles on a couple dating sites to find a mate for himself. I just wish that he wasn't asking that I not take things further with my other love until he finds someone for himself. It makes me feel like I'm being held hostage. Though I CAN understand why he is asking this of me. He wants things to be equal between us and I think maybe he wants to understand more firsthand where I'm coming from on all of this. It does make it difficult though.

Thanks for all you support everyone :)


MonoVCPHG 07-08-2010 03:49 AM

Equality is often not the friend of fairness. Fairness is both of you being free to explore. Equality is having to limit yourself until you are both at the same stage of freedom.

What would happen if you both fell in love and then he split up with his partner? Would you then have to split with yours?

I think your husband is absolutely a great example in how he accepted your need for this. There is a little bit of unrealistic expectations that your relationships should parallel his own however. Lives just don't work like that.

Sounds like you have a good start though. Keep communicating :)

PixieStyx 07-08-2010 04:10 AM

Thank you so much Mono. I absolutely agree! He's not wholly accepting yet but he's coming around. This just happened so fast for us, even me. Just 4 months ago I wouldn't have dreamed of doing anything like this. But NOW? well.....?

MonoVCPHG 07-08-2010 05:05 AM


Originally Posted by PixieStyx (Post 35097)
Thank you so much Mono. I absolutely agree! He's not wholly accepting yet but he's coming around. This just happened so fast for us, even me. Just 4 months ago I wouldn't have dreamed of doing anything like this. But NOW? well.....?

Just keep in mind the affects of NRE. The euphoria of a new relationship can be great but also blinding and make us do things that we won't look back on with a sense of pride.

Good luck in your journey :)

All times are GMT. The time now is 10:54 AM.