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-   -   How to live in 3's (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3070)

Noname 06-26-2010 12:11 AM

How to live in 3's
 
So I have been researching the poly life. Not sure if it is right for me/us so I am doing as much research as I can so I will have the answers when the girls ask.

So I am 35m, GF is 32, and the 3rd is 31yof. It sounds like the most likely situation would be a vee with me on the bottom and both girls being =. I have no expectations or thoughts of them having any kind of physical relationship but would like them to have a solid friendship.

It is not going to be possible, nor wise I am sure, for use to all live together at first but that would be my end hope. For those that do live together as a vee like this be it 2m 1f or 1m 2f how do things work in your house?

How do you make one on one time for each?
Is there divided space for each person to have their own space?
How are household duties done?

I am a person who is affectionate and likes to be close and hold hands, touch, cuddle, ect.
What are the sleeping arrangements?
If you are sitting around watching TV do you have one partner on each side "cuddling" or do they take turns?
If you are traveling do they take turns on who gets to sit up front/next to you (depending on vehicle)?

I am sure I will have more questions as I go but those are the ones on the top of my head right now.

MonoVCPHG 06-26-2010 12:18 AM

Although I don't live in a v, I have been involved in a very integrated one for 19 months. At first these things might seem awkward and need to be consciously thought about, but eventually it becomes so natural it just flows. Things like who will sit where in the car and watching tv together just happen. If people are at the point of living together they have already probably passed the need to think about these things at all :)

Noname 06-26-2010 12:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG (Post 33765)
Although I don't live in a v, I have been involved in a very integrated one for 19 months. At first these things might seem awkward and need to be consciously thought about, but eventually it becomes so natural it just flows. Things like who will sit where in the car and watching tv together just happen. If people are at the point of living together they have already probably passed the need to think about these things at all :)

Very good point. As I said still trying to learn all I can before I decide if this is right.

Just trying to ask as many questions as I can think of and gain whatever kind of input I can.

redpepper 06-26-2010 03:50 AM

If you do a tag search on "living together" you will come up with four threads started by others on this question... why not have a look?

Noname 06-26-2010 04:28 AM

I just did that. It only showed 4 threads though.

NeonKaos 06-26-2010 01:51 PM

That's what redpepper said.

Try a keyword search. I don't seem to recall a very large number of threads on here being focused on that topic. It comes up in conversation now and then, but I think four is the number of threads that get into it at great length.

Noname 06-26-2010 06:15 PM

oooppps I guess I need to read better :eek: It does say four doesnt it.

saudade 06-27-2010 04:18 PM

What we do at my house
 
For fun, I'll answer. But first, context! I live with my fiance and my boyfriend (both primaries, we're a vee), and about eight other people-- the number waffles periodically-- including three others for whom the definition of our romantic status is "it's complicated". Given that context...

Quote:

How do you make one on one time for each?
Honestly, we don't often enough. We all tend to get communal living room time with each other and our friends, and periodically snag one-on-one time, catch as catch can. My fiance and I went out for breakfast this morning before anyone else woke up, just because, and my boyfriend and I spent some time being snuggly after our beach trip yesterday. We don't really schedule our day times when we can help it.

Quote:

Is there divided space for each person to have their own space?
Nope! My fiance and my boyfriend each have a bedroom to themselves, and everyone else either has their own small room or is sharing a larger one with someone else. I actually don't have a room, and my stuff is split between my boyfriend's and my fiance's. When I want to sleep by myself, I use the living room-- which works pretty well for us.

Quote:

How are household duties done?
Our entire household actually has split up chores pretty neatly. Dishes are on a weekly schedule, weekend grocery trips are on a monthly schedule, and other chores are permanently assigned to one person. (I handle garbage and recycling, one person cleans the living room, etc.) Again, we're not a typical case.

Quote:

I am a person who is affectionate and likes to be close and hold hands, touch, cuddle, ect.
We are too, to varying degrees. I tend to cuddle with most of the people in the house, dating or not. Everyone establishes their own boundaries on that, in terms of what they're comfortable with (as a participant or as an onlooker), and then we all do our best to accommodate. Hardcore PDAs and full nudity are generally not encouraged in common spaces.

Quote:

What are the sleeping arrangements?
I sleep with my boyfriend and my fiance each three nights a week, and get one night a week to do whatever I want, which usually involves one particular "it's complicated" these days. That said, I've actually been craving a lot more "me" time at night, so I've been in the living room a lot, and everyone's been pretty understanding.

Quote:

If you are sitting around watching TV do you have one partner on each side "cuddling" or do they take turns?
Since we have three couches and almost a dozen people, we tend to sit wherever there's room. (That said, I've noticed that we all tend to crowd on two of the couches, because the third is actually a daybed with no backrest, and because we're a cuddly bunch.) I do my best to notice who's present when I sit down and to be mindful of where everyone's at on the whole jealousy/compersion and cuddle/alone time spectrums that week, but it's never a big deal thing.

Quote:

If you are traveling do they take turns on who gets to sit up front/next to you (depending on vehicle)?
If there's two people, I take front passenger seat (I can't drive). If it's me and my fiance and boyfriend, I always take the back seat, because it's a tiny Mazda 3 and they're both tall and I enjoy the backseat. (I also enjoy watching them be cute while talking and navigating!) If there's more than three of us, I'm always in the back (again, not tall), and if we go over the legal specs for the car I ride on people's laps. We've been putting seven people in the car, with me across four laps, for trips the beach, and while not particularly safe it's been the coziest feeling in the world. :)

As people have said, all this stuff tends to get worked out pretty naturally. You find some new aspect of togetherness, and either you give it a shot and then talk, or you talk and then give it a shot, and repeat until everyone's comfy. Cheers!

In cahoots,
~S


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