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-   -   New to the Poly lifestyle!! (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=30694)

ore2012 10-22-2012 07:21 PM

New to the Poly lifestyle!!
Hi everyone, Im here to better understand this lifestyle. I have a fiance, who knows alot about the lifestyle and its something he's always wanted to do. I want to do it with him. We have enough trust in eachother that we can make it work. Hes alot more sexually active then I am and we dont have sex alot. I feel bad because is feel like he's being deprived.I think if he had a girlfriend who has a little more of a sex drive, things will get better. We love each other, theres no dought about it. We have already been through so much together. Me, on the other had, would also like a boyfriend, because my fiance is never home because he works nights and sleeps all day and we really never see eachother. I have a long time friend that I have had a thing for, for a awhile. I was wondering if my soon to be hubby, can have a girlfriend and I can have a boyfriend if we both agree to it?? My fiance has needs that needs to be met, that I dont want to do, and I have needs I want that he doesnt want to do either. Help! please help me out please. :):confused:

kdt26417 10-22-2012 09:11 PM

Hi ore2012,
Welcome to our forum.


"I was wondering if my soon-to-be hubby, can have a girlfriend and I can have a boyfriend if we both agree to it?"
I don't see why not. Of course, make sure the said girlfriend and boyfriend both know what all's going on and are okay with it.

What other helps can we give? Do you have any questions or concerns? How about thoughts you want to share?

I hope Polyamory.com will be a beneficial place for you.

Kevin T.

ore2012 10-22-2012 09:23 PM

How do you know what people are poly?? where do you find them? Is there a way to just tell by the way they talk or act??? and how would you bring it up to someone your interested in??:confused:

kdt26417 10-23-2012 08:46 PM

I usually recommend developing platonic friendships first, romance later. That way, you can talk about polyamory before anything gets romantic, and the other person will have already had time to think about it.

I doubt there's any easy way to introduce someone to poly once you're already dating them. You just have to say (and you should say it within the first few dates, or even on the very first date), "I should let you know that I am polyamorous. Is that something that you'd be okay with? Are there any questions I can answer about it?"

OKCupid is a good dating site where you can write up a thorough profile page for yourself, and explain right there that you're poly. Not everyone has good luck with OKCupid, but many people do.

You can also google "polyamory" with the name of your state or city (if it's a large/major city) and see if you can find any poly organizations in your area. Perhaps there are poly people reasonably nearby who get together for social events.

Oh and check out our Dating & Friendships subforum.

Poly people come in every size, shape, and style, so I wouldn't bother looking for some special code in someone's behavior that clues you into whether they're poly. You just have to bring up the subject of polyamory, and ask them what they think about it, and find out if they're poly that way.

Hope this helps.
Kevin T.

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