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-   -   New to the Forum with Questions Concerning Polyamorous Relationships.... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=305)

volatilegemini 05-23-2009 12:22 AM

New to the Forum with Questions Concerning Polyamorous Relationships....
I just typed a very long first post, but seeing as the web browser ate the whole thing, I'll make this a long story short. :)

I'm relatively new to the idea of polyamory relationships, and my current situation is this; I am engaged to my fiance, whom I love dearly. I also have very strong feelings for my girlfriend Jenn. My fiance is aware of my relationship with her, and he approves. I want to get closer to my friend, Jay, but I don't know if my fiance is ready to accept another male relationship just yet. My fiance is monogamous at the moment - he has professed that he has no interest in being with anyone but me, despite the fact that I have told him that he has the same freedoms that I have.

To illustrate my current situation, I used my trusty Paintbrush program to make a chart. Please hold all laughter until the end of the post :P


I could really use advice and input on my situation.....I care very much for all of these people, and no one is hiding anything from anyone at this point.


Quath 05-23-2009 03:44 AM

I love the chart! It explains a lot in a single glance.

Are you worried that your fiance would not be ok with what you want? Is Jay interested in a more romantic relationship with you? Is Jenn looking for a threesome with her husband?

For the most part, I think you are doing well since no one is hiding anything. i would mostly suggest that you keep it that way. Things tend to go badly once you hide things.

volatilegemini 05-23-2009 04:00 AM

Thanks. hehe :)

Yes, I am concerned that my fiance would be opposed to any future involvement with Jay. You've asked some very important questions, some of which I honestly don't have the answer for.....I would like to be romantically involved with Jay - I'm very attracted to him both physically and emotionally, but I'm not completely sure if he feels the same way. I suppose I should ask him.

Thank you for helping provide me with a bit of clarification.

Quath 05-23-2009 01:42 PM

Heh. That is tough. Who do you ask first to get the relationship started? If Jay is not interested then asking him first would mean you don't have to deal with any issues with your fiance. However, it may be good to go ahead and let your fiance know how you feel about Jay. Even if it doesn't work out with Jay, he will know that you may want to have other men in the future.

You may want to let Jenn know as well your feelings. I don't know how she feels, but she could feel a little threatened by another secondary.

Danny40179 05-23-2009 02:08 PM

Seems like you're on the right track though. By that I mean that you're not hiding anything from anyone. Quath is right, you don't want to start doing that now. Make sure that you have those completely open (or naked as I like to call em...lol) lines of communication. They aren't always the easiest conversations to have, but they're always the best.

PS. I too love the illustration. :)

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