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-   -   Poly relationship with formerly-mono couple (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3046)

melodyofthree 06-21-2010 09:52 PM

Poly relationship with formerly-mono couple
I recently started a poly partnership with someone who is also with their former monogamous partner of 3 years.

I've been in poly relationships before, in different forms, but haven't entered one that was already in existence (ie: in the past, the initial relationship was created by myself and a partner/partners).

I'm curious if anyone has advice about how to handle coming into someone's life who is working things out with a previously monogamous partner. I can't help but feel like I have a larger hurdle than I'm used to, or like I'm "secondary" in this situation.


redpepper 06-22-2010 05:23 PM

maybe you are secondary. I bet that would be a new adjustment for you if you have been in another form of poly relationship. It will take a bit of a change of thinking I think to know what your place is and if you want that place.

In my experience, where there is a marriage, secondary is what the other partner will be in such time as everyone settles and things morph into what is more comfortable for everyone. It takes understanding that your position is a huge change for them. Bigger perhaps than for you. It takes time to move everyone around and into a better more comfortable position within the Vee or triad.

Be patient and just wait for them to adjust and work it out... after all, what is the rush?

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