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-   -   We need help? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=30381)

Loverus62 10-17-2012 05:38 AM

We need help?
We are a couple of Madison Wisconsin we've been in different webside the swingers, but we have found that for us it is not that lifestyle, we are romantic and passionate, we meet a couple that is equal, that is only for us as we to them.
Our question is how and where we can know this style couple.

Hades36 10-20-2012 12:53 PM

Hard to find, certainly. I would welcome you to the forum but I am not on here enough to be of any real standing, so I will simply say "Hello! Good morning!" to you.

PLove and I were seeking a couple last year. We had some great experiences but never could make the couple thing work. Too many variables. Couples were cool with having sex, but not doing something that seemed like building towards a real connection (ie: dating, hanging out, dinner, etc.) I'm judgmental for saying this, I know, but it seemed like a lot of couples had relationships filled with fear and insecurity, and a number of past issues that had not been resolved that were creeping up and causing resentment and power struggles. I mean, everyone has that, right? Me and PLove are no exception. Maybe that is just human nature? Trying to get everyone to be Ok with everyone else's agreements and needs was also challenging. We're an interracial couple and met a number of Black couples who wanted to connect but not other interracial couples, which as also a let down. I like older White women, PLove likes Black guys, go figure.

But, not to say its impossible (obviously). I have a really good friend (former lover for me and PLove) who was in a very longterm quad with her hubby, boyfriend, and boyfriend's wife. I think its beautiful and awesome and wish you the best! :D

Loverus62 10-21-2012 02:20 AM

thank you
Thank you for you comment, and we hope so that our couple, come in.
Have nice weekend

Eudora 10-21-2012 01:17 PM

I relate to this so strongly.

What I would say is get on OKcupid and be really upfront on your profile that you don't just want to have sex, but also form a friendship. Some people are afraid of letting that space open up, of letting themselves be vulnerable through a friendship, but you'll find couples that aren't afraid of that, too.

Be patient & intentional with your use of OKC and it will almost certainly turn out well.

Marcus 10-21-2012 05:49 PM


Originally Posted by Eudora (Post 160562)
Be patient & intentional with your use of OKC and it will almost certainly turn out well.

OKC is a good resource, for sure. I wouldn't go so far as to say that it will almost certainly turn out well, but it is at least one avenue to try.

CielDuMatin 10-25-2012 05:09 PM

I am someone that gets a lot out of being face to face with people - I can "read" them (although that sounds terribly analytic). I don't really want the pressure of meeting up with someone with an expectation that sparks will fly - it feels too forced to me. I would much rather have a social expectation - that we're going to go out and hang out together and see if even a friendship can develop, let alone anything else.

The best thing is to get involved with a local poly group - go to their dinners, and meet-ups. Even if there's nobody suitable there the first time, you have at least got to know a few more poly folk and can exchange "war stories". In that sort of environment it's easier to meet folks without that sense of pressure.

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