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-   -   Frustrations abounding (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=3033)

Breathesgirl 06-20-2010 02:51 PM

Frustrations abounding
 
Breathes is bound and determined to drive me totally and completely bonkers!

He finally broke it off with long time friend, occasional FWB and play partner. I'm happy about this. I'm NOT happy about the way he's doing it.

We all (He and FWB, me & Possibility) went to our local play party last weekend. To start it all off she (FWB) had asked Him to come and choose an outfit for her to wear. The timing didn't work out so she emailed pictures to him & he gave her the two which did something for Him. She didn't wear either one, using lame excuses as to why.

She did her volunteer shift and he stuck by her to keep her company and help her with things she may not know (it's usually my job but I got to do something else this time round). As soon as her shift ended, & his began, she left him to his own devices. She went to look at the corsets (YUMMMMMMMMMMMM btw). When she saw me talking to him for a couple of minutes she came and asked me to look at them with her. I didn't want to cause friction so I did, much against my better judgement. When she finished with the corsets she left me (YAY!) and I went in search of Possibility and to check in with Breathes.

I found Possibility and we socialized a bit and found a relatively quiet and mostly people free corner to just talk and be together (I found one of his relaxation points btw *EWG*). She found us and inserted herself into our sphere without so much as a by-your-leave!

At one point she got up to do something else for a minute and her chair got claimed by someone's bag :D, so she stood over by Possibility and started saying her feet were hurting. My suggestion was to perch on the arm of the couch to take some of the pressure off her feet. "OH, I don't want to intrude". After Possibility saying it was ok to perch there she did so but not for long as apparently her standing is more comfortable for tired feet than the arm of the couch, lol. If it had been Breathes and myself she would have inserted herself in extremelly obvious ways and would have looked and acted clueless when confronted about it.

She took off again and Breathes found us asking if we'd seen her and explained that He had an upset stomach and needed to go home. I left Breathes and Possibility together to find her and to let the host know we needed to leave so he could find someone else to fulfill the rest of my obligation for the rest of the evening.

I found both of them and the host was fine since he'd already spoken with Breathes and was, in fact, looking for me, lol.

The first words out of her mouth were "Is He ready to play?" and off she went to find Him. I just smiled, knowing it wasn't to be. He explained things while I got my things & said my good-byes & made sure Possibility had his things since I was giving him a ride home as well.

Apparently the first thing she said after He told her they weren't playing was "Can you recommend anyone?"

I'm glad I wasn't there for that conversation! He was NOT a happy camper and was as far from ill as could be. He just needed to come home, cuddle and think. All of which he did. She did sent an email (not even a phone call) the next day telling him she hoped he was ok and to let him know she did get to play but it wasn't as good as with him. Nothing like veiling a compliment inside a dis, is there? He doesn't see the dis, only the compliment.

He's not telling her that it's over & doesn't really expect to hear from her again until it's time for the next play party so she can find out if he's going.

I'm not happy with the way he's handling this. The last girl he broke off with he didn't have many options as she wouldn't talk to him, wouldn't email with him, nothing, so he had to just leave well enough alone. This time he has the chance to let someone know why he's not happy & the part they had in it & he's not doing it! That was his biggest complaint last time, that he didn't get a chance to let her know what was going on and say good-bye. He's known this girl a lot longer, has a longer history with her & chooses to do nothing! grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

I realize it's his right to do so but doesn't she have a right to know what's going on (or not going on) as well? I'm here for him, ready and willing to cuddle or talk or whatever, & He's doing that he's just not letting her know it's over, grrrrrrrrrrrr!

Any advice on how to help him either communicate what's happening to her or to help him through this process would be greatly appreciated.

There are other factors which don't have a part in this saga so I left them out to make this as brief(!) as possible.

Thanx everyone.

jkelly 06-20-2010 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Breathesgirl (Post 33131)
She did sent an email (not even a phone call) the next day telling him she hoped he was ok and to let him know she did get to play but it wasn't as good as with him. Nothing like veiling a compliment inside a dis, is there? He doesn't see the dis, only the compliment.

FWIW, I don't see the dis' either.

I'm not sure that I understand the problem here at all, actually. You describe the woman as a FWB to your partner. For the sake of the long-term friendship, it might be the respectful thing to do to clue her in that he doesn't see them playing together again in the future, but some relationships just don't need a lot of processing or closure. Also, I'm not sure fussing about whether they will or not at an actual play party would have been the right way to go.

Breathesgirl 06-21-2010 10:55 AM

I posted this to a forum he does read & he has decided to talk to her. She doesn't do well with brutal honesty or subtleties so we'll see how it goes.

we were both under the impression that they were going together and Possibility & I were going together even though we had our own rides. I guess maybe she wasn't under the same impression.

the dis, based on the above statement, was that she played with someone else even though she was supposed to be there with him & only him.


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