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-   -   Quote about long-term relationships (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=30281)

abjection 10-15-2012 04:16 AM

Quote about long-term relationships
 
I was doing some internet reading about long term relationships, specifically geared towards 'long-term relationship energy', and I came across this quote. I would love to hear from others what you interpret it to mean.

"In terms of the formation of long-term relationships, it's far better to get false negatives than false positives." - Eric Pepke

abjection 10-18-2012 01:42 PM

So, I was hoping someone, anyone, might have insight into this quote, since we regularly talk about "new relationship energy", and this is about "long-term relationships".

Anyone?

opalescent 10-18-2012 01:58 PM

Well, I didn't reply because there is just not enough context for me to really grasp the quote. If you have a link to the original post or article, I would like to read it. How is false negative being used? What is meant by false positive? What are the scenarios being discussed?

abjection 10-18-2012 02:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by opalescent (Post 160032)
Well, I didn't reply because there is just not enough context for me to really grasp the quote. If you have a link to the original post or article, I would like to read it. How is false negative being used? What is meant by false positive? What are the scenarios being discussed?

Those are all great questions. I found the quote when I was searching for "long term relationship energy" related writing. I have found this quote in several places, but without any context around it. I couldn't find much about the author either. It didn't make sense to me either as a stand-alone, so I posted it here wondering if it was just me that couldn't make head nor tail of it. I guess it wasn't just me. :)

Thanks. :)

GalaGirl 10-18-2012 03:18 PM

Quote:

"In terms of the formation of long-term relationships, it's far better to get false negatives than false positives." - Eric Pepke
To me? I interpret that as... it is better for me to think of a close friend as "oh, not happening there" and have it turn out later that actually it IS a good match and happening! (the false negative) Because you have already had a good rapport built as friends and it deepens into more. Gives you a better shot at a long term thing.

Than for me to go after a random crush person and have it turn out to be nothing past the initial crushy stages. (the false positive) Just not a long term runner because once the initial "pink fluffy lala cloud thing" wears off, there was nothing of substance to hold it together.

It's not that it CANNOT happen with a crush person. Just that the odds for long-term romance are better with someone you ALREADY have some kind of meaningful relationship with like a good friend.

HTH!
GG

ThatGirlInGray 10-19-2012 06:10 AM

I think my interpretation is a slightly more negative version of GalaGirl's: when looking for a long term relationship, better to miss an opportunity with someone who you COULD have had a great relationship with than put a ton of time and energy into something that ultimately can't work and blows up in your face. The false negatives would ultimately be better for your emotional health than the false positives.

But maybe that's just my particular mood this week.

SchrodingersCat 10-19-2012 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abjection (Post 159537)
"In terms of the formation of long-term relationships, it's far better to get false negatives than false positives." - Eric Pepke

I'm a scientist, not a sociologist, but I'll give it a whirl.

I would interpret "false negatives" as people with whom you could have a great relationship but never try it. I would interpret "false positives" as people you think will be a great life partner and you try it, but it doesn't work out.

To me, that amounts to "It's better never to have loved at all than to have loved and lost." I strongly disagree. How do you learn to recognize the true positives if you don't sort through some false ones?

The charitable interpretation is that it's bad to get stuck in a loveless marriage for years on end, a claim with which I would definitely agree.

SkylerSquirrel 10-20-2012 02:51 AM

If Shrodinger and TGIG's interpretation is correct, I also disagree. You'll always regret the opportunities you didn't chase more than the ones you did that turned out badly. At least that's how I am.

Besides, the ones that turn out badly are GREAT learning experiences. Obviously you don't want to waste half your life on them. But that doesn't mean you can't go ahead and take the initial leap.

SchrodingersCat 10-20-2012 06:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SkylerSquirrel (Post 160353)
Besides, the ones that turn out badly are GREAT learning experiences. Obviously you don't want to waste half your life on them.

SO TRUE. Everything useful that I've ever learned has been because someone fucked up. Gratefully, it wasn't always me. I'm one of those blessed people who can actually learn from the mistakes of others. But seriously... a life without mistakes? Talk about boring!


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