Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Introductions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=9)
-   -   Happy to be here - Hi everyone (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=30198)

smiler 10-12-2012 05:22 AM

Happy to be here - Hi everyone
 
Hi all,

Well, I'm new to this whole thing but I'm excited to be here and I have already learned lots browsing through the forums here.

A little about me:

I'm a 32 yr old female. I've been single for a couple of years and have had lots of issues building relationships. Mostly, this is because I'm stubbornly independent, like my own space and have insecurities (like everyone) that have prevented me from wanting to engage in a full-time relationship. In addition, I travel a lot - both for business and personally. So it's been tough to figure out a way to build a relationship that I want and don't want, in equal measures.

I want a relationship for the same reason as anyone else - companionship, loving someone, having someone love me, feeling like I'm not alone in the world. I didn't want a relationship for a long time simply because it felt too pressurized and I would lose out on my independence, my space, my lifestyle, my work, my travel plans etc.

Anyhow, long story short - I met a guy through a mutual hobby/interest, I bravely (for me) added him as a friend on Facebook. We met up. We liked each other a LOT. Before we went on our second "date", he told me he was married and poly. Shock to the system, but somehow I agreed to meet him to discuss more about it. That was all a few months ago, and I'm still seeing him. I've fallen in love with him. He's a great guy and now I feel like I've finally found a world that suits me. It's not been easy, but I'm wading through all the emotions and challenges.

Being a "secondary" is weird, it plays havoc with my confidence issues - but also challenges me in a good way. We're both still trying to figure out how to make it work for both of us (biggest challenge is time commitments), but it's refreshing to be in such an open and honest relationship. And I've started thinking about how this lifestyle is the answer for me.

I would love to start actively contributing to and soliciting opinions in this forum, and I'm excited to be embarking on my poly-journey.

JustUs 10-13-2012 01:19 PM

Hello and welcome to the forums!
Your openness and willingness to explore poly is very refreshing, especially if it is not something you had considered in the past.
I do have a question if I may ask. You did not mention his wife and if you have met her and all are comfortable with the relationships. The only reason I ask, is my wife and I always try to ensure the her boyfriend (she is non-partnered at the moment) that we get along well also and are comfortable in each other presence when all three of us are together.
But, sounds like it is working well and no issues. Good luck for continued success and hope to hear updates as it goes along.

JaneQSmythe 10-13-2012 01:28 PM

Hello and Welcome to the Forums!

Quote:

Originally Posted by smiler (Post 159227)
...it's refreshing to be in such an open and honest relationship. And I've started thinking about how this lifestyle is the answer for me.

I would love to start actively contributing to and soliciting opinions in this forum, and I'm excited to be embarking on my poly-journey.

Read. Share. Enjoy.

I am excited for you - sounds like you are off to a good start!

JaneQ

smiler 10-14-2012 02:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustUs (Post 159376)
Hello and welcome to the forums!
Your openness and willingness to explore poly is very refreshing, especially if it is not something you had considered in the past.
I do have a question if I may ask. You did not mention his wife and if you have met her and all are comfortable with the relationships. The only reason I ask, is my wife and I always try to ensure the her boyfriend (she is non-partnered at the moment) that we get along well also and are comfortable in each other presence when all three of us are together.
But, sounds like it is working well and no issues. Good luck for continued success and hope to hear updates as it goes along.

Thanks for the welcome note. I have met his wife once; we deliberately kept it brief and it was just introductions and a quick hello at an event we were all at (them with their friends, me with mine). It went really well and was very informal and relaxed. We plan to meet up again in a more intentional way sometime soon to get to know each other better.

smiler 10-14-2012 02:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JaneQSmythe (Post 159377)
Hello and Welcome to the Forums!

Read. Share. Enjoy.

I am excited for you - sounds like you are off to a good start!

JaneQ

Thanks, JaneQ. We've had a couple of bumps, but overall - so far, so good. I'm excited to see what comes.

JustUs 10-14-2012 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by smiler (Post 159434)
Thanks for the welcome note. I have met his wife once; we deliberately kept it brief and it was just introductions and a quick hello at an event we were all at (them with their friends, me with mine). It went really well and was very informal and relaxed. We plan to meet up again in a more intentional way sometime soon to get to know each other better.

That all sounds very good, and relaxed is a nice thing! Sounds like you are off to a good start, and like you said, there may be some bumps in the road as you go along, just like any relationship, but as long as you all deal with them as they come along anything can be worked through. Openness and communication is key...and sounds like you have already been doing lots of that...Good luck!

smiler 10-14-2012 04:47 PM

Yep, I'll be nervous about meeting her, but I really think it will make things easier in the long run. Honestly, I just hope she likes me. Keeping everything crossed for that. :)

JustUs 10-15-2012 10:40 PM

I am certain that you are nervous meeting her, but I am sure all will be fine...Just be yourself and keep an open mind.
I may be a bit fortunate, when my wife is meeting a potential mate for the first time, I am always there with her and that's how she wants it. So the nervousness of meeting someone new is shared, lol...It is also important to us in our poly relationship that we all are able to get along which is part of the reason we meet a potential together for the first time.
Let us know how it goes!

kdt26417 10-17-2012 10:14 PM

Hi smiler,
Welcome to our forum.

I was thinking early in your original post that a secondary relationship might be a good fit for you; you'd retain some of your independence while still having that connection with someone. I'm sure you'll work out the challenges and details given time.

It is nice to have you with us; I hope you enjoy your stay here.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.


All times are GMT. The time now is 07:49 AM.