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-   -   Not as exciting as some... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=30103)

Stevenjaguar 10-09-2012 06:19 PM

Not as exciting as some...
 
C and J met in high school and got crushes on each other right away. After a year of soul searching and doubts they consummated their relationship in bed. They “dated” on and off through high school and after. They worked on a horse farm together for a while with some school in between.

Fast forward: I met them when they gave a little concert in a coffee house about 5 years ago. They were sharing an apartment and I became friends with J, who was going out with someone I knew. When they broke up I took her out for a date and slept with her once but she decided she was going to be lesbian so we decided on a platonic friendship. I took C out and we became lovers and she confided to me that she and J were lovers. I think it surprised her that I had guessed that and it was perfectly ok with me. Jan decided she wanted the apartment to herself and C moved out. When C lost her lease on her apartment she moved in with me, with her own room since she’s very independent.

J has been in the picture. She and C spend the night together once or twice a month, sort of on-and-off depending on whether they had an argument or not. J is still a friend to both of us so we hang together frequently, like go to dinner or a concert. C’s family is far away and she goes to see them several times a year. J and I hang when she’s gone sometimes.

At first I was outwardly ok with their being sometime-lovers and I was supportive of the arrangement but there was something there that bothered me. When C was with J it was like she threw a switch and wasn’t interested in me at all. It took another bisexual woman to get me to understand the swings in her personality. If she hadn’t I’m sure that we would have broken up long ago. Now that I understand what’s going on I can appreciate the person she is, unconventional, interesting, creative, and I wouldn’t have her any other way.

Compared to some, we have a boringly normal relationship. We’re not into kinky and we don’t do randoms. There are no others in our relationship and don’t contemplate any, except that we agree to have ex’s or old friends privileges with the consensus of the others. In fact J says when she finds someone she’ll probably be mono, at least for the first while. There aren’t any threesomes except sometimes J will sleep over with us and it’s platonic. That is except for once when J got snowed in with us and C got an awful lot of attention.

Does it still take work? Yes. Does it still take lots of talk, and tears? Yes. But the rewards are worth it. J is staying with us right now since she’s between apartments, but since we’ve found all the info about poly we’re thinking we’re not so weird and unusual as our friends think we are and we’re thinking about getting a house together, especially since C and I are trying to get her pregnant. J is toying with the idea of being third parent even if she gets a SO later.


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