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-   -   Pros/Cons of NRE (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2997)

Ariakas 06-11-2010 11:51 PM

Pros/Cons of NRE
 
I saw this a while back on another forum but I am curious to know peoples views here and I thought the thread came along nicely, obviously cons can simply be something as an effect of NRE (blinded by the light haha)

pros
Boundless energy
Everything feels awesome and is elevated
Confidence sky rockets

cons
When left out of control it can blind you to the person you are with
Lots of money can be spent (heck you are dating a new person)
it can become addicting (serial NRE anyone?)

I gotta finish getting ready for the bbq. Hopefully this hasn't been done before :)

vandalin 06-12-2010 12:01 AM

pros
you tend to smile more which makes the people around you happier
you have a more positive outlook on many things
it feels soooo gooood!

cons
can bring out small insecurities (why didn't he/she contact me yet)
can make you go "too fast" or want "too much" "too soon"
can make you forget other responsibilities

both
your mood can swing to polar opposites in moments just by the smallest thing the NRE partner says, does, or does not say or do.

rolypoly 06-12-2010 12:50 AM

Pros
It doesn't last.

Cons
It will convince you that diving from a 10 storey building is a good idea.



:p

saudade 06-12-2010 04:27 PM

Bringing in the theory
 
Coming from a psychology perspective, I see NRE as an attachment-forming device. It's the same (brain chemistry-wise) as seeing a baby for the first time and wanting to scoop it up and keep it safe. The infatuation and affection of that period secures people a bit and helps to ensure that the couple is invested enough to stick it out through colic nights (or arguments about the toilet seat).

No clue whether that's positive or negative, but it's still my two cents.

Morningglory629 06-12-2010 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vandalin (Post 32547)
pros
you tend to smile more which makes the people around you happier
you have a more positive outlook on many things
it feels soooo gooood!

cons
can bring out small insecurities (why didn't he/she contact me yet)
can make you go "too fast" or want "too much" "too soon"
can make you forget other responsibilities

both
your mood can swing to polar opposites in moments just by the smallest thing the NRE partner says, does, or does not say or do.


Ewwww, Van you are so right!

redpepper 06-12-2010 08:38 PM

Pros-helps me lose weight. Gets me in touch with my body and sexuality. Helps me feel confident. Makes me fall in love with my husband and other loves all over again. Everyone gets more sex. Its like a holiday everyday and moment they are with me. It ends and settling occurs once again.

Cons-makes me want to do rash things like come out to everyone. Creates an imbalance of time with other lovers and family. Makes me cranky if someone points out that I am creating hardship for others. It ends and the transition from NRE is sobering sometimes.

rolypoly 06-12-2010 09:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by redpepper (Post 32589)
Makes me fall in love with my husband and other loves all over again.

I like this!

MonoVCPHG 06-13-2010 04:50 PM

For the most part I'm not a big fan of NRE. Although I don't deal with it very often I find it primarily blinds people to reason and the emotions of others.

NRE is a selfish thing I find...not intentionally, but it makes you think everyone around you should be just as happy and understand your joy when often they just want you to shut up.

It does make for great sex, I agree. But true connection makes for better in my opinion. NRE is the animal phase, rutting season, after that it's the human phase; passion fueled by actual connection and not simply screwed up chemicals.

:eek:Tangent alert!!

I read an article on our local poly sight about monogamy lowering men's libido. I have often said "for every beautiful woman out there, there is a guy bored of fucking her". I have learned a lot since then. Now I think of it more as "For every beautiful women out there, there is a guy saying I love you to her but has lost true connection with her".

sage 06-13-2010 06:32 PM

Do you think?
 
...that NRE lasts a lot longer if one party (probably the female) holds out on sex? Z has a secondary that is celibate (so far) and it seems to keep the NRE alive. They have known each other for years but their connection deepened when his marriage ended. It seems that unconsummated their relationship hasn't moved out off the NRE phase. They kiss and cuddle and she massages him which is probably just enough to hold him in the space.

What do think, I'd be very interested.

rolypoly 06-13-2010 08:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sage (Post 32634)
...that NRE lasts a lot longer if one party (probably the female) holds out on sex?

Someone once said to me that men lose their "fantasy" or "illusion" once they've had sex. Personally, I think it depends on the individual.


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