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-   -   Bisexual and poly (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29950)

nerdyred 10-04-2012 04:35 PM

Bisexual and poly
 
Is it better to be poly and BI or would it be better to have non-bi too? If you have an idea please post...

Currently I am single and I am want to have a good long term relationship with people who share some of my passions. I really don't want to make too many mistakes so I thought I would ask first, and it sounds like there are many different and informative people here so I was hoping if anyone has tried both as a poly what where the issues, what worked and what didn't?

BoringGuy 10-04-2012 04:48 PM

Huh?? :confused:

nycindie 10-04-2012 06:25 PM

Really? You wanna know if it's better to be bisexual or not, in order to "be poly?" Well, what orientation are you? I would say it is always best to be yourself. You seem to be putting the cart before the horse.

Living polyamorously and having multiple relationships is no different, in many ways, than having one relationship and being monogamous. The same key elements need to be in place for any relationship to work: mutual respect, caring, honesty, clear communication, affection, etc.

nerdyred 10-04-2012 06:51 PM

obviously we approach situations differently cindy.

nycindie 10-04-2012 06:59 PM

Well, your post wasn't very clear about what you were asking, so I tried to make sense out of it and answer as best I could. Perhaps you could clarify -- what info are you seeking?

BoringGuy 10-04-2012 07:01 PM

it sounds as if you're asking other people whether or not you "should" be bisexual.

is that what you're asking? because it's a very odd question.

If it is, indeed, a serious question, the answer is:

It doesn't make any difference whether or not someone is bi. Bisexuality and polyamory are neither co-requisite nor are they mutually exclusive.

Hope that helps you out.

SourGirl 10-04-2012 07:02 PM

I think nerdyred meant this in a practical way. Wondering if it's 'too much' to be either venturing into both poly/bi simultaneously, ( simply wondering if there is a 'baby steps' approach. )
Or merely musing out-loud, so she knows which way things generally flow.

In any event, I think she was just trying to prepare herself.

To answer your question nerdyred, many straight women do feel in a minority, but my experience tells me it is closer to 50/50.

I have seen people throw all kinds of new in the same pot, ( bi, multiple people, multiple relationships ) and still come out the other side, intact. While I have seen others who go slow, add one thing in at a time, ( orientation, then poly, with one relationship at a time. ) and still fall apart.

Like most things in life, it's gut instinct, and everything in moderation.

The mix of the people involved, and their ability to be honest with themselves, determines the outcome more then anything. :)

BoringGuy 10-04-2012 07:04 PM

nerdyred is a male (who is not a fool sexually, according to his profile).

SchrodingersCat 10-04-2012 08:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nerdyred (Post 158134)
Is it better to be poly and BI or would it be better to have non-bi too? If you have an idea please post...

Currently I am single and I am want to have a good long term relationship with people who share some of my passions. I really don't want to make too many mistakes so I thought I would ask first, and it sounds like there are many different and informative people here so I was hoping if anyone has tried both as a poly what where the issues, what worked and what didn't?

Making mistakes is awesome. Everything really useful that I've ever learned was the result of a mistake, either my own or someone else's.

But I agree with nyc. Either you're bi, or you're not bi. I've never met someone who could flip a switch and become one or the other.

FWIW, my first serious poly relationship* was also my first serious homosexual relationship. There were no negative consequences from combining the two.

Just go slowly, be honest to yourself and your potential partners, and you'll do fine.

*Clarification: I guess my marriage was a "poly relationship" all along, in principle... but I mean the first time I date another person while being married, that other person was same-sex.

GalaGirl 10-04-2012 11:11 PM

I do not understand question. Please rephrase. I am confused.

Do you mean something like...

"I am bisexual. I am also polyamorous and want to be in a polyship. I want a partner that is same/similar. So I do not know where the best focus of my energy is in my next relationship.

Should I focus it on finding a bisexual partner that fits me and not worry too much about whether the relationship ends up like a monoship or a polyship?

Or should I focus on finding polyamorous partners that fit me and want to create a polyship like I want, but not worry too much if the partner(s) are not bisexual like me?"
Is that the ball park? Or did I miss entirely? :confused:

GG


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