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-   -   How do you tell someone that... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2995)

tinylove 06-11-2010 02:46 PM

How do you tell someone that...
You are Poly ? I find myself conflicted? There is this guy I really like I know he is single and probably mono but who knows. We only see each other once a week and it is rather short usually a "Hello, how are you?" and some quick little chats. Today we chatted a bit about my children. He knows that I am married and now I am thinking "How can a let him know I am available without it seeming like I want to cheat on my partner?"

We are never really in a situation where we can talk about things personally. I know he likes me it is pretty obvious.

So what do I do? :confused:

SourGirl 06-11-2010 03:09 PM

Just getting it out there,...
Hello tinylove,

I find that men who are interested in me, usually try to drop hints/compliments at the same time.

They will say things like, ' Ahh to bad you are married !', or " Your husband is a lucky man' or something to show me they find me interesting, or like me.

These gives me a chance to put it out there right away, without getting in to to much detail.

I`ll respond with something like ' Yes, I am happily married to a great man, but we are in a open relationship. If that has you curious, feel free to ask questions !'

From there you can usually read their face right away. Some people need to chew on it for a bit, some people ask questions right away.
If they appear as if they need to chew on those facts for awhile, I switch the conversation to something fun, and easy.

Good Luck :)

Ariakas 06-11-2010 03:39 PM

If you are on a fairly friendly level, maybe something as simple as meeting for coffee and then you can discuss it there.

I find I get a lot of very confused looks when I say poly, so I usually just say I am open. If they are open to my being open, I hope they ask questions and I can expand on that :)

Good luck :)

girlcaleb 06-11-2010 03:59 PM

It's strange how so many folks have this problem... maybe I should just print out business cards that say "call me, I like you". If they call I can explain it to them... silly. It would never work :)

I just wish it were simple.

Ariakas 06-11-2010 04:06 PM


Originally Posted by girlcaleb (Post 32470)
It's strange how so many folks have this problem... maybe I should just print out business cards that say "call me, I like you". If they call I can explain it to them... silly. It would never work :)

I just wish it were simple.

ACTUALLY...this sort of works. There is a conference for "picking up people into non-monogamy" (something like that anyways) and one of the tricks that they advocated was handing out business cards. If you are in a club and see someone you may like you could have something as simple as

"I am married but find you attractive, I am in an open relationship etc etc"...

Obviously won't work on 100% of the people, but it could be fun to give it a whirl. :)

girlcaleb 06-11-2010 05:51 PM


redpepper 06-11-2010 05:52 PM

We have several threads started on this topic, have you done a search and done some reading? Perhaps that will help?

SchrodingersCat 06-21-2010 06:16 PM

I like the coffee idea.

It's not cheating, even in a mono relationship, to go out for a friendly coffee with a member of the opposite sex. And if he's so uptight that he thinks it is, then it probably wouldn't work anyway.

It might open the door for him to ask "but I thought you were married" to which you can reply "I am, we have an open relationship." If not, and he's interested, he'll just accept, and then you can mention it at coffee.

rpcrazy 06-21-2010 07:21 PM

just go out with him :/ If things start getting heavy, and he's too pansy to ask what's actually going on(some guy's wouldn't want to ruin it, lol) then just tell him you have an open relationship.

Propast 06-26-2010 01:16 AM

The coffee idea is good, maybe no need to "plan" it but just take the opportunity when you see him. This calls for a bit deeper discussion than you can have in a quick hallway discussion.

I tried it at the end of a fun day with a friend, as we were parting ways. Complete botch, and in that context no way to recover. "But I thought you were married!" "Uh, yes I am, and that's not going to change..." End of conversation. Obviously I don't have a lot of practice at this. Naturally she thought I was asking to cheat with her :eek:

Luckily she was still willing to talk to me, a week later I got to explain the situation properly. She responded with curiosity and good questions, and by the end was willing to give it a try.

(That "try" never actually happened, but that's another story)

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