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-   -   Do single people even have intrest in those in relationships? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29923)

messymess 10-03-2012 07:16 PM

Do single people even have intrest in those in relationships?
 
Its weird for me to even say it out loud because this is very new to my husband and I, but I have a "relationship" outside of my marriage that my husband is aware of. Now, he is looking to have one too. Whether I am eventually brought in or not is a whole other thing. My question is... where does he even go to find one? He loves the fact that my friend turned into more and that she is not married or with someone now other than me. But he does not necessarily want to start dating other couples or another married woman. He wants someone single who is open to the fact that he is married also. Is this an impossible thing? I went looking on a poly dating site and it seemed a little hopeless for him? Any ideas or thoughts?

CielDuMatin 10-03-2012 07:29 PM

Well, one of my current partners, lovefromgirl, was single when we met, so it's definitely possible, yes.

If I may ask, why does your husband have the requirement that she be single? Are there certain attributes of a single person that he cannot find in someone that already has a partner, or what?

Where to go? Out. It's as simple and as complex as that. He needs to meet people. bets way to meet poly-minded folks is to get involved with your local poly group. Not everyone will be an instant dating prospect, like any cross-section of folks, but it at least increases the chances. If online dating appeals to him (it doesn't to quite a few folks) then OKCupid is a good place to at least find people. I'll warn you, though - as a male the odds are stacked against him. There are lots of guys (and couples) looking for single women - just scan through the personals boards on this site to see that, so he is going to have to stand head-and-shoulders above the rest to find someone.

If he can work out why he needs single, and can maybe find those qualities in someone that already has a partner, then the odds are going to go up dramatically.

What happens is he finds a single lady and then she finds another boyfriend - is it automatically over between them?

messymess 10-03-2012 07:42 PM

I think this is all just very new to us, and we havent been with other people before we got together. He's really looking more for a connection than anything and I think he feels if he jumps into something with someone who already has someone else, he will get less of their attention or there will be less room for him. I will talk to him about it though.

He's kind of a hottie, so he should have no problem standing out among the rest. ;) But I have noticed the ratio seems off.

Thanks!

CielDuMatin 10-03-2012 08:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by messymess (Post 158021)
I think this is all just very new to us, and we havent been with other people before we got together. He's really looking more for a connection than anything and I think he feels if he jumps into something with someone who already has someone else, he will get less of their attention or there will be less room for him. I will talk to him about it though.

This is definitely worth examining, because it narrows the field tremendously. You have to remember that this would create an unequal dynamic, since we can't give her all his attention and room - he has you! So you are again restricting the number of folks to those that would be happy with such an imbalance in the relationship dynamic. Does that make sense?

Quote:

Originally Posted by messymess (Post 158021)
He's kind of a hottie, so he should have no problem standing out among the rest. ;) But I have noticed the ratio seems off.

You'd be surprised. On the internet you are just another person looking for a date... The fact that you are in his life is a major show-stopper to a lot of people who don't want anything to do with polyamory.

MeeraReed 10-04-2012 03:22 AM

Actually, I think your husband might find a less complicated situation with a partnered poly woman, if she and her spouse(s) are fairly experienced with poly.

messymess 10-04-2012 03:51 PM

Any more suggestions from anyone on where to look? :confused:

InquiringOne 10-04-2012 04:36 PM

I also highly recommend OKCupid for meeting people of all types, who are looking for all types of relationships.


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