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nitromaxx 10-02-2012 10:43 PM

New to this forum and to Poly
Hello everyone!

My name is Chris and I am extremely new to the world of polyamory. First, I guess, I should provide a little background on my situation. I am in a mono relationship with my wife of 10 years. Things aren't great, but we're working things out. I was introduced to polyamory by my sister-in-law. What started as a friendship, turned into us being best friends, and more recently, we've fallen for each other. She and her husband, my wife's brother, are in an open relationship. Her husband is open to the idea of us giving this a try, but I know my wife will hate the idea. So, there it is. My life in a nutshell. I hope to connect with people who have been able to make the poly lifestyle work for them and learn how I can apply this to my own life. Thanks for reading!

CielDuMatin 10-03-2012 02:07 AM

Welcome to the forum.

I think that most will tell you that the first thing to need to square away is the difference between you and your wife about the nature of your relationship. Have you even mentioned it to her? If so, what was her reaction? What does she think of her brother's open relationship.

How far have things gone between you and your sister-in-law?

nitromaxx 10-03-2012 08:29 PM

My wife and I haven't talked about it. I figured with the state of our relationship it wasn't a good time to bring this up. Things with my sister-in-law have gone as far as they can go. We've slept together a few times, if that's your question. I am completely in love with her and she's told me she feels the same about me.

JustUs 10-03-2012 10:07 PM

Well, first of all, cheating on your wife will definitely not make your relationship better by any means. Telling her down the road that you slept with her sister-in-law will in no way make things better. Your sister-in-law and your wife's brother may be poly, but you are not. Poly is about more then one love with everyone involved fully aware of each others relationships. You are cheating on your wife in a relationship that is already "not very good" at the moment.
It also amazes me that your wife's brother is ok with you cheating behind her back, with his wife. I am sorry to say, but when this does all come out, it will not only destroy her, it will destroy your relationship.

kdt26417 10-13-2012 07:23 PM

Hi Chris,
Just wanted to say welcome to our forum.

I would suggest you may want to slow things down with the sister-in-law a bit, until you and your wife get on better ground with each other. Obviously, you'll have to approach your wife with the subject of polyamory with care. A good post on the subject can be found at:


I hope that might be of some help.
Kevin T.

nurseypoo1 10-23-2012 02:30 AM

First and foremost u need to be honest with ur wife about ur cheating. Or u wont have to worry about exploring polyamory. U CANNOT have a poly relationship...especially a MARRIAGE...based on lies and deceit. It is based on honesty...trust...and communication. Come clean first then see if u have a marriage left to work with.

SchrodingersCat 10-23-2012 04:54 AM

Woah. Cheating with your wife's brother's wife? Yikes. Not only can I not believe you did that, but I can't believe your brother-in-law would condone such a betrayal of his sister.

This whole situation has dysfunction written all over it in seventeen different languages.

I may be reacting very strongly. That's because I have no compassion for cheaters. The fact that this involves your wife's brother risks tearing apart their entire family. Super not cool.

Forget about a polyamorous relationship with your wife, at least for now. After what you've done, it will take a lot of work to have any relationship with her at all. Get down on your knees and plead forgiveness.

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