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-   -   How many is to many? (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29858)

cosmicsunshine 10-01-2012 12:18 AM

How many is to many?
 
i was at a party recently,it was a mix of women with different backgrounds. It was one of those sextoy parties, one of the games is to put a number to how many partners you've had in your life. there are awards for the prude and the whore.

how many partners is to many, it didnt feel great taking the whore award even if it was an amazing "bullet" are we still living in a world where the number of partners matters?

LovingRadiance 10-01-2012 01:09 AM

Hell if I know. I know I have been with more people than both of my current partners put together. Shrug.

I think people put too much attention on sex and not enough on life.

garhdo 10-01-2012 02:36 AM

unfortunately yes the 'number' does seem to still be important in relationships. Mine is significantly lower than all of my partners yet that isn't an issue for me.

What annoys me is the disparity between how high numbers are viewed between men and women. women tend to find my low number admirable, while men seem astounded that despite my open relationship (which i dont hide) it is so low.

To me the number doesnt matter as much as who is in that number. mine includes people i have a rapport with, and only two one-nighters.

cosmicsunshine 10-01-2012 03:01 AM

I would tend to agree with you LR...

cosmicsunshine 10-01-2012 03:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by garhdo (Post 157667)
To me the number doesnt matter as much as who is in that number. mine includes people i have a rapport with, and only two one-nighters.

i wish i could say i was that lucky... i had a line up of not so good choices when i was younger ...lol

opalescent 10-01-2012 03:07 AM

To some people it does seem to matter - I have never been able to figure out why. And if you think even briefly about 'the number' it quickly becomes clear it doesn't really tell someone anything useful to know about someone's sexuality. It doesn't indicate if they like sex, why they have sex, what their limits are, what they like.

That said I am curious about people's numbers. I often find it is a conversation starter that can lead to the more interesting stuff. Of course, I don't start with this question if I don't know someone and even if I know them well it is usually easy to figure out if sex is something they feel comfortable discussing.

Interesting question OP! I wonder if there is a poly version of this? How many partners (however one defines partner) is too many? And obviously the answer is very individual.

LovingRadiance 10-01-2012 03:10 AM

VERY individual and circumstantial I think too.

Like, right now, I have two partners-both men. As I am bi, I REALLY miss having a woman lover and long for that-someday.
But, right now, I honestly don't have time for another lover. So, two is my limit.

But, hopefully someday there will be more, because I hate to think I'll never again have the opportunity to make love to a woman with my heart, soul and body.

cosmicsunshine 10-01-2012 03:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by opalescent (Post 157672)
Interesting question OP! I wonder if there is a poly version of this? How many partners (however one defines partner) is too many? And obviously the answer is very individual.


very much so .. i had 6 once, it was wonderful and crazy all at the same time. currently i have 3, and it still proves to be the most challenging and beautiful thing in my life.

Tonberry 10-01-2012 11:25 AM

I recently tried to make a specific list (who, when, what sex acts, etc) and I remember feeling bad and relieved at the same time. Bad at some of my poor choices when I was younger (a bunch of one-night stand, some unprotected sex), relieved that I had less partners than I thought I did.

But it really doesn't mean that much. If you take all the partners I had before Raga (and since Raga, they've only been Sean, so that's all the guys I've had sex with so far minus two), and add up all the times I've had sex, then my first month with Raga (first month of sexual activity, that is), has it beaten several times over. Like, a lot of times over. Most of the others I had sex with once. One of them I had intercourse with twice, and a few I had other sex activities with more than once.

But in the end, I had much, much less sex with all of these people combined than I did when I was with Raga, or now that I'm with Sean. So the number of partners is definitely not proportional to the amount of sex.

It seems weird to me that people might say I was a "slut" back then, but then "settled down" when in actuality I barely ever had sex when I had one-night stands, in comparison.

I will say though that knowing a bunch of partners was helpful to me. I had less expectations about all guys being one way or another, I expected individuality by the time I had my first serious relationship. I also had a better idea of what I liked and what I wanted.

Anek 10-01-2012 12:54 PM

Such a loaded question. I have no idea, I never kept track, really. I know it's very very high due to past stuff I did, and when I tried to make a guess because the at the time boyfriend wanted to know, he dumped me the next day because he thought it was "too much".
Now I don't even answer with a guess, I just say "I don't know".


As for partners, I'm currently seeing 3, plus some casual dates here and there, and it's getting to the limit in terms of time to dedicate to each and to myself. The good thing is that 2 of the 3 have other relationships as well, so they also don't have too much time and it balances out ok. I can't imagine adding another partner, although I'd be open to the possibility if it happens.


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