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ciarra 09-29-2012 11:21 PM

Hi New...
Well Hello everyone...Here is a little about me and my situation. I am married have been for over 4 yrs now. We are happy for the most part but it just seems like something is missing for both of us. He has talked to me about bringing in someone to has 3-somes with and what not and I just dont want a casual screw although I would not mind having someone else in the mix weather it be a women or man I kind feel like I want something more from someone and it scares me a bit because I do love my husband and would NEVER cheat on him but I want more. I have found myself lately thinking about what it would be like to be in a relationship with more the one person and at first I though I was crazy and who could ever want that and how screwed up it is that I am married and wanting someone else. I dont want to loose my husband I love him I just find myself thinking about this more and more....I got online and looked it up and well this site popped up so I figured why not lol so here I am i dont know if i am looking for someone who has felt the same or for someone to tell me to wake up and be in reality it just wouldn't work but yea Im here lol :-)

KyleKat 09-30-2012 08:50 AM

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Threesomes and relationships are a big difference, as I'm sure you know. Make sure this is something you really want and not just a fantasy before you open those flood gates, because once you say it/act on it, you cannot go back.

A good way of bringing this up to your husband, if you haven't already, is to say, "We've talked about threesomes in the past, and I'm not big on casual sex. I feel like you're interested in having sexual relationships with more than one partner. Would you be interested in dating another girl while staying married to me?" Put it in such a way that you're not saying, "This is what I want" but instead saying, "Would you be interested in this?" so that he's not on the defensive.

If he says hell yes, say, "The only way this works is if we are both allowed fair opportunities. I would like to add someone else as well, and if that's not okay for you, I need to know. If it does, we need to go over ground rules and talk about this again in a week or so to make sure we're still on the same page."

Then discuss it for a month or so every couple of days to make sure feelings haven't changed.

Only after you've gone through all the conversations you need to go through should you even consider looking. Otherwise, heartbreak.

kdt26417 10-06-2012 10:56 PM

Hi ciarra,
Welcome (although belatedly) to our website.

I think it is fine for you to contemplate polyamory, given the experiences you've had so far. Just take things slowly, and communicate lots and lots with your husband along the way. Quality relationships take time to build, so you don't want to rush into anything.

I hope Polyamory.com can be of some help to you. There's a lot to read here, and don't be shy about posting if you have any questions.

Kevin T.

Stevenjaguar 10-08-2012 08:19 PM

Well, you're not crazy. You're in the place a lot of couples are who realize they need another person in their relationship. You're just being honest about it, and that's a very good thing. Yes, I agree with you that you need someone to be a part of your relationship with your husband and not a casual threesome. Good luck on finding that person.

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