Polyamory.com Forum

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EDHW 09-28-2012 01:41 PM

Well, let me see. I am new to the site. I have never tried anything like this before (online sites). I have been with my husband 20 years. We seperated after the 1st 5 years and I started dating my best friend from high school. I had a child with him and then my husband and I got back together. Throughout the past 10 years we have had, as a couple, sexual involvement with my bf. My husband and best friend is straight but I am sexual with the 2 of them. At one point my bf was involved in a relationship with a female and we coupled up. The 2 males never interacted but the females did with each other and the males. Since then the female of my bf left him and no longer wished to be involved. My bf has now decided to try to get back with the other female and she doesn't realise he is still involved with my husband and I. Do I cut him out and persue other options and if so, what should I do to find us another couple, another male or just another female as I enjoyed all options.

PolygamousWU 10-01-2012 12:42 AM

I think finding a GOOD source of support, such as this board or others, is a great start in your search. Our family came together out of deep, long term friendships. I don't think we fit the norm here (Husband and 3 wives), but there is much to be learned from other's experiences and much you can share from your own when/if you are willing.

garhdo 10-01-2012 02:26 AM

I suppose what you decide to do with ur bf depends on what the other girl's reason was for refusing involvement with you and ur SO, and whether you have been in touch with her since. ending his involvement in the relationship may well be necessary but it is also severe. Maybe you should discuss that with the both of them, separately.

EDHW 10-01-2012 01:00 PM

Thank you for your kind words PolygamousWU. The reason I came to the site was for friendships to develop with individuals who might understand. I appreciate your input and do agree that there is much to be learned from others. I am willing to be very open and hopefully I can grow from all of this.

EDHW 10-01-2012 01:10 PM

garhdo, I don't think it had anything to do with us. We were all getting along. The other girl decided to no longer be with my best friend as their relationship was suffering personally. As a result, she felt that she no longer could be with us as well. She started going to church and told us we were all doing the wrong thing in life. She said that she no longer was going to be involved in a situation like we were prior to their split. Now, from what I get out of my best friend is that he is telling her that he has in fact stopped interacting with my husband and I and that he is willing to go to church with her, as he wants to do anything to get her back. When I confront him about lying to her, he just says maybe she will one day come back around. He has now asked us to lie to her. I don't think that is okay. I told him I would not lie for him if I was ever asked but I would not bring it up either. As you can see, I am very unsure of how to handle all of this. What was once honest and enjoyable, has now turned into a dishonest and uneasy feeling. I enjoy what we are doing, as I have always, just don't want to get caught up in my best friends web of lies.

kdt26417 10-11-2012 07:22 PM

Welcome to our forum.

I think you're doing the best you can in an awkward situation; you didn't want to lie, but you agreed to not be the one who brought up the subject.

It's really up to you whether you stick with this boyfriend; I guess it largely depends on whether you can tolerate his dishonesty. If he could lie to her, you don't know whether he could lie to you also, so I guess that's something to think about.

Try our Dating & Friendships subforum if you haven't already been there, it might be a starting point for finding people in your area. You could also try googling "New Orleans polyamory" and see what turns up.

I hope some of this helps.
Kevin T.

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