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-   -   2 tribes (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2960)

Derbylicious 06-07-2010 09:05 PM

2 tribes
 
I've just been musing to myself today how interesting it is to be involved in the growth of 2 tribes (for lack of a better term). I caught myself thinking at one point that I might have to chose where to belong at some point but the truth is that I belong both places. I just belong in different capacities. It seems to be part of a further shedding of monogamous thinking...it doesn't have to be one or the other there can be a meaningful place for me in both.

Ultimately I'd like for there to be more of a connection between everyone involved in my life but that's not something that's going to happen overnight and realistically it might not happen at all. The thing is that right here and right now what may be doesn't matter so much. What is is good and I'm just going to bask in the fact that I belong.

-Derby

rolypoly 06-07-2010 09:11 PM

That's wonderful Derby!! The feeling of belonging is so primal, eh? I've been questioning this a LOT in myself lately, so it's very nice to hear you say this. I feel very happy for you and all your links in the chain... I know I'm kind of one of them, but not feeling solid enough to really feel it yet.

It really rings true: it doesn't have to be one or the other...

Derbylicious 06-07-2010 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rolypoly (Post 32058)
That's wonderful Derby!! The feeling of belonging is so primal, eh? I've been questioning this a LOT in myself lately, so it's very nice to hear you say this. I feel very happy for you and all your links in the chain... I know I'm kind of one of them, but not feeling solid enough to really feel it yet.

It really rings true: it doesn't have to be one or the other...

For what it's worth it feels to me that you belong. :D

MonoVCPHG 06-07-2010 10:59 PM

Nice post Derby, thanks for sharing this. My life seems so simple some times. There's lots of support for everyone luckily, that's the beauty of having so many connections I guess :)

redpepper 06-08-2010 12:40 AM

Yesterday, in my "female identified responsible non-monogamous group",,, otherwise known as "the women's group," we talked about groups and the sense of belonging in them. We talked about Lesbians and the bridge that seems to need to be built between the poly community and the Lesbian community and how sometimes we just don't feel like we "fit" anywhere because these bridges aren't built yet or are in the process of being built.

The point is that we are a group of "ourselves." I am the group of "redpepper." Yes I am in a lovely tribe, that ripples out into other tribes, but I am a group of me and then a group of my two men and then in a group of Derby and my tersiary, then in a group of friends in the community and then in a group of the community I am in and then out in the larger poly world, including on here.

Sometimes there are over laps and sometimes they are distant from each other. They eb and flow as everything does in life and depending on what is going on and what I am doing myself in my group of one.

It seems we have poly relationships with tribes as well as people. It's great in that there is so much input. On the other hand, it can also feel like its forced on us to be involved with another tribe when we don't want to be. Kind of like dating someone when we don't want to... (how that happens I'm not sure :confused:). It's different in this way, but then I have people in my life that I wouldn't chose to have, but have to. Tribes are a whole other level and a whole other interest level involved. Still, at least ones needs have an opportunity to have different people in our lives. :)

I am thinking of poly parties I have been to where there are different tribes there that overlap with lovers and they kind of stand around looking at each other and observing to see how other people are doing and what the flavour is of that tribe. Sometimes in terms of wanting to be involved with someone in the tribe, or just to point out differences and commonalities. It's like the tribes are people...

Jeez, I hope this makes sense... kind of still thinking on it.

rolypoly 06-08-2010 06:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Derbylicious (Post 32059)
For what it's worth it feels to me that you belong. :D

Thanks. :)

Morningglory629 06-09-2010 05:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Derbylicious (Post 32057)
I've just been musing to myself today how interesting it is to be involved in the growth of 2 tribes (for lack of a better term). I caught myself thinking at one point that I might have to chose where to belong at some point but the truth is that I belong both places. I just belong in different capacities. It seems to be part of a further shedding of monogamous thinking...it doesn't have to be one or the other there can be a meaningful place for me in both.

Ultimately I'd like for there to be more of a connection between everyone involved in my life but that's not something that's going to happen overnight and realistically it might not happen at all. The thing is that right here and right now what may be doesn't matter so much. What is is good and I'm just going to bask in the fact that I belong.

-Derby

I totally understand this sentiment. Great post derby! I also love the responses that followed.


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