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-   -   Caregiving and Poly for young adults... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29041)

northcali 09-20-2012 09:40 AM

Caregiving and Poly for young adults...
 
I am in a unique situation and wondering if it can be solved by this type of relationship. Luckily my wife and I had talked about this prior to her cancer, and was open to this. Now, after a long time care-giving, its has become apparent that I need another person to connect with, although I have an unconditional love for my wife. She is a beautiful, sweet person.

Then someone just came along, but ultimately it looks as if I were rejected because she was afraid (even though my wife was on board and hoping for me) that she would hurt my wife and daughter. (I have a slightly over 1 year old beautiful girl) - needless to say that drop hurt - it didn't even feel like I was getting canned because I was a jerk - but based on having a mate already. I'm glad it happened although painful, because it woke me up saying "hey you have a huge heart to use still!!" and is kicking me to move before I get old.

My wife is braincancer survivor, big time! and she came back cool. I mean she is still sexy, still listens to the same music, same ideas, happy with what I'm doing for us. I've become an over achiever do to her non-working status (plus we live way in the mountains) But my wife is lacking in the appreciation department (not fault of her own) ... just that when someone wakes up from something like that, they don't quite remember what working was like - so they are just kind of "used" to their new environs, not really respecting and loving it like you do when you make it together. So as the caregiver I'm working really hard (*x2) (and doing well professionally, etc, made money, did not sell out . ..) but don't feel like I'm getting what I really need. And just the feeling of working on a cohesive team. My wife is a very hard worker, but, its not easy to brainstorm and plan the future, etc. And I miss very much having someone to talk to like that.

My wife and I are still sexually active, but mostly because I want to be; it has become mostly "sex" and I don't want it to be, but honestly I feel its some my fault due to lack of enthusiasm. I have a desire to be very connected in the mind and body and for some reason its just turned into body and I need my soul to have a place to connect!! Fine for her to if it worked right (to also be involved)

Is this (Ployamory) a worthy path to pursue, or am I in the wrong place? Are the dating forums worth anything or should I only be looking in real life? Its a doubly tricky situation to explain to anyone I meet. Any advice? I've looked at caregiver dating, and there is little to none.'

This seems like the non-chemical cure to depression in this situation if you can manifest it!! :) am I wrong?


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