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-   -   Should I tell her (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=29018)

Kraven 09-20-2012 02:31 AM

Should I tell her
Seeing as I'm single and poly-minded, when I meet someone...should I tell them I'm poly right away or let things develop naturally?

JaneQSmythe 09-20-2012 03:45 AM

Personally, speaking for myself and no-one else, I think that letting her know from the outset that you are not interested in an exclusive relationship is a kindness, so she doesn't set up any false expectations.

You don't, in my opinion, need to bring up the word/concept of polyamory until the relationship or conversation takes that turn (although you should be prepared to have that conversation from the minute "non-exclusive" is mentioned...some women ARE looking for monogamous-husband material and, I think, have a right to know from the start that that is not what you are offering.)


GalaGirl 09-20-2012 04:15 AM


Before I ever knew the word polyamory I just would tell straight up " I like you. I want to date you. But I'm not looking for anything exclusive. What are you looking for?"

It's part of the whole dating thing and getting on the same page.

It's much easier to part on a good note if they go at the very start "Oh, but I AM looking for exclusive. This won't work."

Then we can just be friends or not friends. But without hard feelings of "You never SAID! At the beginning your never SAID! That's lies of omission! "


LovingRadiance 09-20-2012 04:58 AM

Definitely tell. Its terrible to start a relationship, even friendship on misconceptions and erroneous assumptions.

Invi 09-20-2012 12:42 PM

Definitely tell. It can be heartbreaking to find out later, when there is emotional investment

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