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-   -   It's actually happening... (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2899)

girlcaleb 05-31-2010 03:09 PM

It's actually happening...
After all these years I finally have a partner that is willing to live and grow with me. I have been reading about and attempting to work on a Poly. like relationship for years. I finally have a boyfriend that can handle the stress and hard work part... or so I think. lol

We have been together for the past two years. I had gotten out of a relationship about 2 1/2 years ago. When I found my current boyfriend, I did something that I had never done before... I was honest and upfront about my need for more than one committed partner. He was very happy to hear this. He was also waiting for someone that was open to different ways of living. Well, to make a long story short, we have been living happily together and we finally felt like it would be a good time to try our hand at a little 'new love'. I had recently gone to see what some folks would call "my Dom'... he was a man I knew from years ago... we aren't in a relationship but we do enjoy spending time together. Well, I spent a week out of town with this man. I had a good time a learned a lot about myself. My guy at home handled this in an awesome way. He was worried, but he trusted me and my friend. This all happened a few weeks ago. Now, my guy has a female friend that he has feelings for. She is a very nice girl. I like her (although I'm still just getting to know her) and she is respectful and smart.

Last night was the first time that I realized how much my guy cared for her. there was a party at our neighbors house and this girl came.... It was my first time dealing with my guy enjoying another girls company... and not just any girl, but a girl he really liked. I felt so many different emotions. It was like a big ball of nerves, jealousy, sadness,lust, happiness, and excitement all rolled up was bouncing around in my tummy. I didn't know what to do. I tried to stay out of their way. She was actually leaving town for a long time... and this was the last time he would have a chance to see her... it was also the first time they were ever alone in anyway... so I didn't want to mess it up for him. Seeing him so nervous and scared was the hardest thing for me... he really liked her. I hadn't seen him that worked up since we first met. So I was jealous... but at the same time I was so happy to see him "liking" someone... does that make sense? I always talk the talk but I'm still learning how the get the walking part down.

This has opened new doors for us as a couple... I will spend the next few days/weeks talking with him and we are going to work out what this experience means for us... it's the same thing that happened when I got home form visiting my Dom. Only this time I'm the one that has to do a little soul searching. I don't know if I'm asking for advice. I do want to know if any of you guys have been in this situation before... the first 'outside' crush situation. I know that I am more in love with my guy because he allows me to be open. I hope he will do the same for me.

I guess what I really want to know is... does it get easier? The big ball of nerves... does that go away over time? I don't know how far his relationship with this girl will go. They have not gotten sexual at all... and she is in another state now. I would not mind him visiting her. But I do wonder if it will fade... or if they really will want to be together... and if so, will she want to be a part of my life too... or just see my guy. I would love to have her with us.... but I can't force it. It's just all strange. To talk about something for so many years and then see it actually happening is crazy. I like it... but I know we both need to work hard at it.... this is where it all starts. Thanks for reading guys.

redpepper 05-31-2010 06:19 PM

does it get easier, yes it does.... welcome to the poly world. There are many of us on here that have gone or are going through what you are. Have a good read, there is a lot of info on here that might help you not feel you are the only one.

rpcrazy 05-31-2010 08:02 PM

I don't have anything to say but Awesome! and congratz!!!!

I don't you think you have anything to worry about...keep managing your experience in a manner that in accordance "to your highest self" and you should be fine. Based on what you wrote, I think you have a wonderful relationship ahead of you. I do want to ask one question though...

It was my first time dealing with my guy enjoying another girls company... and not just any girl, but a girl he really liked. I felt so many different emotions. It was like a big ball of nerves, jealousy, sadness,lust, happiness, and excitement all rolled up was bouncing around in my tummy.
^...lust? O.o hehehe. like, "damnit I want to making out with him right now :(...well, and her too...ARGHHH!!" something like that??? lol

saudade 05-31-2010 09:15 PM

It sounds like you've found something wonderful in your boyfriend. I remember that moment when my fiance and I finally started dating, and feeling the same way.

I remember the first moment that I saw one of my partners with someone else. Even being fully okay with it intellectually, I had to remind myself to take a moment and really think about how I was feeling. Once I took that moment, I knew I was fine. None of the responses society told me to have were there. I was just... pleased. (I'm pretty low on the whole 'jealousy quotient' thing, so my story isn't inherently typical; don't worry if it doesn't fit you at all.)

Just take your time, enjoy each moment as it comes. Store up all the good ones and save them for rainy days. Congratulations, and good luck!

girlcaleb 05-31-2010 10:29 PM

Thanks for the response. To answer your question... it started out as...omg, he's really into her and they are touching!!! lol.... then, the more I watched (I tried to give them time alone but they were right in front of the window heheh) the more I saw how nice and gentle he was with her... he wasn't being rude and she seemed so relaxed.. it turned me on. I'll be honest, I haven't been that attracted to my guy. Everyone goes through this sometimes, I wasn't worried. It comes and goes. But after this weekend I am all hot and bothered again. It feels like it did when we first met. Keep in mind this all happened yesterday. Me and my guy talked some more today about it. He told the other girl how I felt (I'm embarrassed...lol) She comes from a very open minded household and she is attracted to girls. She told my guy that I was "nice" and that she "liked me even more" when he told her about me "spying" on them. So, I am jealous but not in a bad way. I'm enjoying this.

girlcaleb 05-31-2010 10:36 PM

I will also add that he has known her for over a year... so I have been aware of her and even spoken to her before.... They always flirted and he would tell me about it.... but this is the first time they actually did anything about it. So, I was just waiting for it to happen and when it did... tons of things were going through my head and heart.... I think we are in a good place now.

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