Polyamory.com Forum

Polyamory.com Forum (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/index.php)
-   Introductions (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=9)
-   -   New and Curious (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2881)

butterly103 05-30-2010 12:41 AM

New and Curious
Hi. I am another newbie here. I am just learning about Poly, have never been in a poly relationship before but am very curious about it.

I have been in a mono marriage (divorced now), with "fantasies" for being with a woman, but I have been taught that is kinky and not "right". Therefore, I have never acted on my fantasy.

I have a Close Friend who told me he is in a poly relationship. He has a primary and she has several others who she is involved with, I don't know the heirarchy terms for them. Previously, I have fantasized about being with my friend and his gf and now that I know they are poly, maybe we could get together.

I am thinking that this doesn't necessarily mean that I poly but I just don't know. Any ideas?

EugenePoet 05-30-2010 12:52 PM

As the old saying goes, you can't be a little bit pregnant -- you either are or you aren't.

That is NOT how it is with poly. There is a whole spectrum of psychological configurations, a whole range of behavior preferences.

One guy on the forum (MonoVCPHG) i's really monogamous but loves a poly woman, and he writes with great understanding about poly and relationships. Others have intricate webs of lovers and significant others.

I can only write in detail about my own feelings: I don't feel much or any possessiveness or jealousy, and I'm very happy that my dear GF finds the love she needs from her husband as well as me and others. But I have no real drive to love many different people myself, though I have woman friends I care for quite a lot.

You mileage will always vary.

So the question of whether you are poly may never have a clear answer. You are what you are, and it fits somewhere in the spectrum of normal and loving human behavior.

The main thing is to do what is healthy and good for you, and healthy and good for your partners and friends. Grow when and where you need to; take care not to hurt or damage others.

Good luck!

JonandPaula 05-30-2010 03:10 PM

I guess you'll never know, until you try it?

All times are GMT. The time now is 04:28 PM.