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-   -   I need some help (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=28529)

mtbco 09-13-2012 12:16 AM

I need some help
My wife and i Just had our first 3some Weekend , She has talked to me about a triad and i was willing to try it. We have talked about it for a while and we decided to have it with a friend of ours that is very much in love with her and she is with him and I am with him, he is my best friend. I enjoyed the weekend up until the night before we were to leave. As i found out I was frowning all weekend according to them. I went up to my wife and ask if she wanted to spend the night alone with him, She told me yes she did. I packed up my things and left to go home (We had our own vehicles). This was the hardest thing i have ever done because i love my wife so much and is also the reason that I agreed to leaving so they could have there time. Im not sure this was the right thing to do so soon as my wife is talking about meeting with him by them selfs now. I was planning on meeting some more to get a good feel for the 3 of us. And now i dont know what to do because i know they want there time alone but im not ready for it. I love them both and I dont want her to have to choose between us because she loves him so much. I just dont know what to do.

mtbco 09-13-2012 12:25 AM

And y the way they had a great night together and he went back home but now is having a problem being gone and he talks or text my wife seems like none stop

AnnabelMore 09-13-2012 02:17 AM

They are both experiencing what's known as NRE or "new relationship energy", the cocktail of hormones and emotions you get when you're first falling for someone. It often makes people act a little irrational, but if they understand what's going on it's usually easier to calm down. They're not trying to hurt you, they're just caught up in what they're feeling, but that doesn't mean you can't ask her to slow down a little and take your feelings into account too.

If you haven't already, do some reading about NRE, jealousy, poly time management, etc. Good resources at http://www.morethantwo.com/ and in the Golden Nuggets thread on these boards. Let her know that you're having a tough time, and when you find useful things in your reading, ask her to read them too. Tell her, and maybe him too, that it will probably be easier for you to open your heart and mind to being cool with them being together more if they can stay cool and be extra considerate and be patient with you now, at the beginning.

It's going to be ok!

cowgirlontherocks 09-13-2012 05:28 AM

I just wanted to thank you for the sound advise that you gave my husband mtbco, as well as the link you gave him as we went through the site together and recieved great information.

AnnabelMore 09-13-2012 03:32 PM

You're very welcome! I'm positive you don't need this advice, but nonetheless -- whatever you do, make absolutely certain to remain within the spirit and the letter of anything you two agree to, especially now. Don't assume anything, don't ask for forgiveness rather than permission, talk WAY too much. :) It can be so hard to get over a beach of trust at this stage, even one that wasn't intended, and trust and love are what will keep you guys strong. On the flip side, Mt, you must give trust -- don't go making rules just because they'll let you, be brave and as giving as you can, believe what they tell you.

mtbco 09-14-2012 12:19 AM

Thank You Annebel that was what I needed to here, I do trust them and I am trying to be fair and as open as I can with this, Me and my wife talked about this for a long time last night and tonight we are going to talk with the other part of the tri. I hope it goes as good as our talk last night. Again Thank You.
Mt and Cg

jasaty 09-14-2012 12:46 AM

Talking about everything is essential. I am learning this as well. I just wish my husband would open up a little more with the talking. But, we are working on it.

Enjoy your new relationships.

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