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coreymcdonald855 09-12-2012 02:18 PM

Hey all! Firstly, let me say I'm glad to be here and I can't tell you how fortunate I feel that there is a supportive community out here. Secondly, I have questions and concerns about this relatively new undertaking regarding my relationship. My wife and I have been married for just over 4 years now and the last 2 have been more than rough. From screaming matches to the fact that she used to be a bit physically abusive (I know, right?) which, for all intensive purposes, is water under the bridge. We've since worked things out. Well, we actually just took the drama out and BAM! Boredom. She's bored, no interest in sex, argues all the time. I'm bored, no interest in giving her the time of day, plus I live about 2 1/2 hours away (I'm at college, she's at home). Last night, she brought up something we had discussed about a year ago after a wild night with our friends: Opening the relationship. I have class in half an hour, so I can't give this the attention it really deserves, but I'll try to express my concerns briefly. Ok, one concern, briefly. Jealousy. I know it's a bit of an illogical emotion, but it is still an emotion. So far, no amount of critical thinking had alleviated the awful feeling I get when I imagine some stud humping my wife. The only time I was okay with (enjoyed) it was that one night, because I was INVOLVED and we were both enjoying ourselves TOGETHER. But that isn't really feasible with the distance. Anyways, I want to get more in depth, but class is calling. Thank you for the helpful advice I am sure will follow. And thank you again for being here. More to come soon. Adios.

MusicalRose 09-12-2012 06:33 PM

I really only have a short answer to your question, but it is the observation I have made that poly will NEVER fix a failing relationship nor will it help to strengthen any existing weaknesses. Even the most balanced couples can be knocked out of whack by all the new dynamics that it introduces. It is a huge risk to be taking for couples who are already having major problems.

I'd advise maybe seeking some professional counseling to see if you two can't come to a more balanced and compatible point before attempting something like this.

Do you two have an end game for your long distance relationship? When will you be able to live near each other?

MzWiz 09-12-2012 11:09 PM

I agree with MusicalRose
If you have a pitcher to hold water, and it has holes, no matter how much water you put in, it will never be full, it'll just make a bigger mess

AnnabelMore 09-13-2012 04:23 PM

I gotta ask, why are you married to someone who used to hurt you, when you're not interested in each other? What do you two get out of this? Maybe it was just a mistake?

Don't drag another person into this mess until you sort yourselves out, it's not fair.

jasaty 09-14-2012 12:35 AM

I agree, if you two aren't happy together then bringing someone else in will not help at all. I think you should take a step back and really look at your relationship and decide if you even want to be together.

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