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-   -   new to poly (http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=2850)

leslie 05-25-2010 03:46 PM

new to poly
Hi I am Leslie and am new to the forum. I have been divorced for several years and met a wonderful person, who from the beginning of our relationship has said he was poly by nature, though not involved with any one else at the moment. We now live together and he has been texting and talking on the phone to a friend from long ago that he wants to include in our family. My initial response was that it was cool, but slowly I felt my confidence diminishing. I am a lot older than my partner and was married in a very traditional marriage for a long time. I don't want to repeat that experience, so I am slowly coming to understand how being in a poly relationship could be a wonderful thing. My problem right now is that I slip into being unsure and insecure about myself from time to time. He is about to go off for a weekend with his friend/lover and I am wondering how you deal with the insecurities that come up. Any ideas?

KatTails 05-25-2010 05:41 PM

Hi Leslie - welcome to the boards. The feelings of insecurity you are feeling are normal, especially when you are new to polyamory. My husband of 14+ years has had a girlfriend for more than a year and I still struggle with insecurity. You will have good days and you will have bad days. Eventually the bad days do become fewer and farther between. Different people will have different ideas of how to diminish those feelings. One very wise woman on here - LovingRadiance - has recently posted some great advice on my blog. On the main page, click on Life Stories and Blogs. Mine is called KT's Blog. I have struggled with insecurity a lot - and have been given some great advice and support on here! I'm sure you will too!


idealist 05-25-2010 08:57 PM

Welcome!! I'm sure you'll get a lot of support here!!
I just wanted to ask if you have met her? If not, is that something that you are interested in? I find that (for me) developing my own relationship with the "other lover" is important if I am insecure about it. That way, my mind doesn't run wild with me creating all sorts of images in my mind which aren't based on reality. Once I have met someone and have established a relationship with them (even if it is casual friendship) then I feel I'm in the loop.

There are situations, however, where I don't feel the need to meet a lover and I don't feel insecure about it at all, so I just handle each situation as they arrise and try to be aware of what I need in each case.

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